Feeling of the moment

I want to:

Ranting

A Rant, in the key of A-through-zee.

'cause I'm tired. 'cause I need sleep. 'cause of 'cause.

oh. no more?

that's it. this is it. the things that were exciting this morning were not enough to sustain me through the day. W?

that's what I said.

there's no substitute for sleep. I need to wake up in the morning to do that shuffle we do when we want to shake hands, meet'n'greet, say hi and introduce. make new friends.

I don't know you. yet.

but will do soon enough. compiling friends 'cause I've out grown the ones I have so far? maybe. a compilation of acquaintances. what can happen when you juice blender everyone you know into a room?

too much of everything. not enough of the opposite. a live study in consumption. over doing it. a gluttony of information and ambition. TV stations upon hulu channels. what was it? 160,000 links per day?

more, please. I'm not overloading fast enough yet. 'cause I'm still drowsy lucid. I'm still clicking away. still breathing this way.

realized that what I need is ownership of something. it doesn't feel like I own anything except what I know inside my head. and that's ephemeral. maybe I'm hording in a different sense.

a sense of self worth derived by not what I know. but how much I know. how much more expensive it is. the brand of my knowledge. how pricey it can be to listen to myself echo in a chamber.

saw Juno tonight. I can certainly comment on it. I laughed out loud towards the end. when he says that he actually tries really hard. 'cause that certainly feels true.

there's still a DVD stuck on my laptop. but I can't part with it yet. we just got back together. not yet. too soon. soon enough. too long. this longing.

in four hours I won't remember you.

Updates!

Sort of. Kind of. I need to reconciliate all my online estates. by which I mean my blog.

there are way too many things to do. which is great. an overload of information. a saturation of tasks.

an overwhelming sense of joy. bursting at the cracks. tension in the slacks. everything is great. everything is wonderful at this moment in time.

work. work. work. candide was right. tend to your garden and you should be fine. whatever your garden is.

waiting for the analytics of today. it's delivered at midnight. because that constitutes a day.

I'm amazed at how much I've changed in two months. six weeks. perspectives. work. sleep patterns. not much on that end. but it's reverting to when I worked. when school was in session. when not enough sleep is normal. when it's required.

I somehow have too many things on my plate. and I somehow have too many plates at once.

the results are in.

and I'm ecstatic. I'm really happy. I want to cry. but my eyes are speechless.

this is good.

Seeing Differently

[ via McKinney]

"PETA is up in arms against the phrase 'killed two birds with one stone.' Citing that the metaphor incites subconscious violence among young adults competing towards limited space in Ivy League schools." —Francisco Hui, compulsive liar.

Luxury = Wastefulness

I hate that equation. That luxury is equated with how much you can waste. How much you can spend. The more superlatives, the more luxurious.

It's this need to feel validated that drives us to spend more than my twin. Or whoever I'm comparing myself to.

Is there such a thing as sustainable luxury? Would that solve half our problems? Assuming that the current problem is consuming ourselves to death.

Good And Tired

Feeling good from reading the right things. hearing the right words.

tired from not enough sleep.

so I'll be sleeping with a smile.

Not Having A Computer

It's the equivalent of crashing on someone's couch. I thought I had written about it.

But can't find it.

A feeling of insufficiency. Not the right size. Have what I need, but not what I want.

Oh. I did write about it. In my post-it notes.

Going to pick it up tomorrow. Like picking up your significant other at the airport. Anticipation of reunions.

What is it going to look like? Am I going to recognize it?

Gasp.

Feels like too many things are on hold because I haven't had a laptop for almost days now. Excuses? Most likely.

Eyes are tired. I completely went back to browsing instead of finishing this post.

and.....done.

I can understand anything if it's slow enough, contextual enough, and of course, gestural enough.

I get anxious when sitting in front of my computer for too long.

It's a combination of seeing all the things I could be doing. and not doing all the things I could be doing 'cause I'm reading about all these wonderful things.

::le sigh::