Gifts

inspired by today's events.

it's my sister's birthday. so I spent a large part of my day thinking about a birthday gift for her.

what is a gift?

something the person wants? something you want them to have? me being francisco, I didn't want to give her something that money could buy. something that anyone else can get her.

so I thought about it. while browsing for a new phone for myself.

what does she need? what has she told me before? what does she need that she doesn't even know? so I thought. and I let things simmer.

and that was my afternoon.

back to the definition of gifts. which came to me after I thought about what to get her. wandered around Target. not for anything in particular except ideas.

the next time someone asks me if they can help me find something, I want to say: yeah, I'm actually just looking for some Purpose In Life. can you help me find some? they might laugh and think deep down that I'm a jerk for jerking them around.

so Targé. I saw a club wedd kiosk, and thought of those club wedd days.

materialistic things are nice. they give you a shot of whatever chemicals are released into your brain.

but I want something long term. something that'll last and mean something. not a hallmark card. 'cause that's the complete opposite of meaningful.

I settled on something that I want to give her. not a "thing" per say. it's intangible. she probably doesn't know that she wants it. I haven't given it to her yet. I have to sit her down and pre-amble her with a speech.

it's going to be a lifetime gift. if she wants to accept it. and I hope that in giving this to her, I'll be more disciplined.

because of all the people in my life. the things I've had recently are all from her.

education, security, shelter. three words that have meant the last three years of my life and will affect the rest of it. all from her.

I don't have enough money to spend on a gift for her. so I'll use what she gave me to give something back to her.

maybe this will backfire. in which case, there's no plan B. things'll just blow up.

but I hope that today, her birthday, will really be the beginning of something. where we'll look back and say, that's when we decided to do things differently. that was the milestone.

that day after Barack was elected. speaking of which, google, you should put Barack Obama into your spell check. there shouldn't be a red squiggly underneath Barack.

I just typed in hitler and it was recognized. does google recognize hitler and not obama? what retarded logic. not the spell check but the pseudo accusation I just made.

faux-cusation.

back to gifts.

giving her what she doesn't know she needs.

and this goes back to something I learned from debbie's class. that if we believe in what we sell. we should sell to our families and friends. because if they don't deserve what we're selling, then why would we sell it to anyone else?

so what I've been preaching with my business card was part of it.

I want to help my sister be a better person.

I don't know why I haven't been more active about it before. school? life? lame-o-emo issues?

well. if I can't help my sister out. then I don't know what good I can do with the world.

so this better work. 'cause there's no plan B.