7:58am waiting around.

for me to finish.

don't know why I'm dragging my feet when I should be done already.

on another note: waiting around for other things to happen.

they are across in the horizon. I'm hungry. I've been up long enough to make squinty eyes at the monitor.

the window is suddenly filled with light from the outside and it's 8:00am.

two days and we're done. ordered business cards today, maybe that's when you become a professional. when you're in business. with your cards.

I should back-up my files. in case anything happens.

8:01am

4:29am for the sake of writing.

not Japanese wine.

trying to write lines for Kiwi shoe polish. bupkis. nada. a few things that I'd roll my eyes at if I saw them on the subway.

not tired. 4:32.

right. writing for the sake of writing. because I can't come up with the other stuff that I should be doing. figured out a way to bind my books today. an easy way that anyone can do. better than screw-posts, and cheaper. the dummies' way.

progress, but 2 more miles until the next water station. the one that's broken, and doesn't have clear water. only brownish spewage that dribbles when you press the fountain button.

drib, drib.

episodian. random words in my head all the time. don't know why.

can't figure out the freepacking logo. and this. I want to work through this right now so I don't have to start over tomorrow.

anew. fresh. reset. from the beginning. losing everything. backtracking. reverse. rewind. repeat.

if I could do the same for "it shines your shoes." shine. shine-E. sheeneh.

4:51.

4:58.

okayokay.

there are things that need to be done before school is over.

school is coming to an end and I don't even see it coming. there's this distraction called portfolio day. and everything else is shrouded in bru-ha-ha.

5:06 done.

7:15am amending the entry below

so why was I writing about this really, umm, dignified woman?

'cause there's something else I want to write about but don't want to jinx.

that's what I do when things are about to happen.

delay it a bit. not really talk about it 'til stuff happens. 'cause if I do talk about, I have this irrational logic that I'll jinx it and ruin things. and it won't happen.

there's that.

things are happening. again. or they should.

ah.

7:20am

I spent 5 minutes trying to look for a word that was at the tip of my tongue. alas, a place that even google can't search.

6:50am things happened today

This is one of those entries. where I'll look back and remember this moment. or this day, 'cause I haven't been to sleep yet.

well, I have. at 7pm. for 2.5 hours.

I was on the train this morning. and I think I saw a different type of beauty. That's how I decided I'd start off this entry. I wrote it in my head while getting off the train.

A different type of beauty. She was sitting down to my left. And was, as Natalie would say, something about dignified. very.

she was just sitting down reading. Ayn Rand's atlas shurgged. wearing a paper shirt. thin, crumpled. and the back collar slightly popped. and done in a way that it didn't seem intentional.

short hair. looped earrings.

WTF. and slightly freckled. like lohan in new york mag.

that was the morning commute. staring.

then work. and trying to stay awake. almost physically impossible on 2 hrs of slepp.

but 2 plus 2 makes four. and I'm still up now.

googled this while writing this entry:

7:10am work and when things work.

after another all nighter, things are working.

feel accomplished.

but I have yet to do more ads.

will do so today.

have to.

must.

'night.

7:11am

12:06am fhui

That's what the upper right corner of the monitor says.

listening to Lykke Li: tonight.

trying to stay up.

over nights too many times in a row means the morning is night. and night is when I'm up.

how many times can I do this a week?

9 days. I mean, 8.

k. I think I got it.

12:09am

1:34am Bio

Why is it so hard to write a short biography description of myself?

Trying to be concise and nonchalant 'bout it, but want to make myself sound amazing without bragging and having an ego.

You'd think it's easy since you've spent most of your life with yourself. but it's not coming out easily.

And I want to be a copywriter?

tsk. tsk.

Self-doubt, here I come.

1:36am

3:40am waiting to go home.

so that I can clean myself up for another day.

reset.

work today. sleep. work in the lab.

10 days.

'night.

3:41am

time for Haikus (from online sources):

her warmth
penetrates
my down jacket

silver cutlery set out
with military precision

a cat waits
by the open cage
for the bird to fly

the sound of an arrow
striking its target

gunshot the length of the lake

winter drags on...
I squeeze the last drops
from a teabag

Alzheimer's birthday
each slice of the cake
takes part of her name

after the funeral
whiskers still
in his razor

meteor shower—
a gentle wave
wets our sandals

snail—
to know
its heart beats too

lethal injection
unable to shut
the blind dog's eyes

4:56am 12 days left.

and then things happen.

in the process of making them go.

::yawn::
4:57am

2:45am agency visit

feedback for my book from Ted and Isaac, who reminds me of moises. fast talking and himself. honest.

the reaction: personal stuff is great. shows them who I am.

do I still want to go into advertising? then the other question. there is no other, wait there is.

how do I combine the design/personal stuff with the advertising.

turn them into campaigns.

bridging the gap.

threading the needle.

counting the days.

2:57am

2:56am quick

write haikus, layout ads. work on more for vinny.

transferring from the 6 to the E, I hear shouts.

must be a crazy/homeless person.

who's he shouting at?

"go back to africa! go back to africa!" towards no one in particular.

he, himself, a black man.

2:57am

3:05am present

and accounted for. uploaded things. they look okay. but feel a bit sluggish.

I want instant gratification.

at this moment. it's sleep. everything else doesn't matter.

or does it?

don't know. 16 days. 'night.

3:06

4:58pm Maybe it should be every other day.

Seems like that's the new pattern.

I'm at a fork in the road right now.

The proverbial clouds ahead, right above the horizon line.

So there's a point of decision that's coming up head. storm clouds, and a side of drama.

That's how things feel right now. It's not over, it'll be the first day after graduation. That's what I'm jogging towards. and sprint through the taut ribbon.

Reading Arthur Miller on the F train. homeless guy was helping himself on the subway. so half the cart swtiched over. ha. switched into swtiched, eh? eh?

woke up at 1pm 'cause I went to bed at 7:30am. had lunch. talked to mom. she's telling me stories about work.

and that's where that feeling of looming events came.

cold feet + senioritis = I don't know what.

the other feeling of the moment is: established.

I'm a senior now. there are tons of underclass-people. and I'm imparting advice. or that's what I do every now and then.

and I'm very comfortable with what's going on. capable. and it's time to move on. the same pattern.

a new environment, two or three years, comfort, and time to move on.

then it'll happen again. a new environment, uncomfort, 2-3 years, and maybe time to move on again.

5:08pm

0:47am THE rEJECT SHOW

the night after ADC/SVA. I mean the night of.

maybe my writing isn't clear enough. maybe things aren't designed well enough. can you design something so that people will want to read it 100% of the time?

the survey was too lazy. poorly designed unconsidred. yet despite all this, a success. somewhat. it was.

in different ways. it doesn't work out the way I thought it would. but it was still great. especially the attention it attracted. the reactions.

some people are very willing to write down their thoughts. others aren't used to it. there's a drastic difference between ad people. and non-ad people. it's as if not seeing a punch line doens't warrant attention. There was a fine art kid that was totally into it. Same with some teachers and other random people.

I'm happiest when I'm creating work. not just working, but creating things.

a full day of work and chaos. then showtime at the ADC followed by dinner with funny people. Katie was very funny. in a dry way. sarcastic and make believe? is that what you'd call it? and everyone else was people that I'd want to hang around when I'm older. but I'm not their age. awesome people.

this is what happens when I do publicity stunts.

all we need to do now is to collect some more and decide what to do with it.

it's 0:53 right now and I don't fee like doing my homework. I feel like there are bigger better things to do once I graduate. Maybe I should just become a fine artist. stop lying to myself. and do what I'm supposed to be doing.

then there are no qualms about selling potato chips.

I need sleep. if i'm not working on homework. I should go sleep. 'night.

1:17am

8:13pm not in AM for once.

I feel like I'd be better as a creative director than anything else. Instead of making work. I'm always telling people what's good or what's been done. what can be improved. 

I can hate easily. 

Nope. nope. nope. been done. not funny enough. too small. this and that. but then where's my work? 

I can't critique without going through that rite of passage we metaphorically call The Ladder. 

so I have climb it before I can spit down on work. 

spit on it in order to make it shine. 

seems to be a pattern.

k. back to work. 

8:16pm. where's everyone else? suckzoo and dah-yee

4:22am Just checking in

really. not much else. in the DIC lab. 

talked to sunny. talked to the one clubbers about it. insane how quickly things can change. 

raffled off the ipoddie. nice. hope it works. and a box of too much stuff, that will need to be taken in bite size portions. the perks of this job. 

I think my chair was too low for the last 6 hours. my eyes are blurry. tired. and overblinking.

on the subway. waiting for work. figured I should write every day and say what I learned that day. 

it's been a long day. when it's more than 24 hours. it's long. too many things to condense into one memory. 

wake up late. leave at 9:15 make it 5 minutes past the hour. trying to read on the subway. rocking and surfing. get through some pages. it's a good book. wish I could write down some of the things they say. but I can't highlight. it ain't mine. 

what milton says about scarcity. if we feel like there isn't enough. we'll turn ugly for our share. but if we feel that there'll be plenty for everyone, we'll be in a much happier mental place. you won't have to worry about not having your share. and that's that. 

read this interview on mark waites from mother. it's 3 years old. he said something. don't know what it is now. it was a mini moment. 

was it the trying to find a job afterwards? persisting? improving. keep on working on his book. 

that was a couple of hours ago. typing with my right eye shut. it affects my spelling. 

started working on the Reject show. went somewhere. 

forgot to finish this. and it's finished.

1:25am 28 Days left.

Feels like there's plenty of time. Feels like there isn't enough.

Btu May 2nd isn't the end. If I'm tired of it now, then it's going to be a long career.

Watching whatever is on late night TV. why are there so many bad movies? people say, this script sucks, lets produce it. people will watch it and we'll make our minimum profit while spewing more garbage into the world.

what I'm saying is that I have nothing to write.

and tax season is here. so there are plenty of tax commercials.

watched some spanish TV. and their version of late night talk shows. their jokes aren't as good. puns and more LCD stuff.

browsing through lifehack sites. they feel like self-help. but with more CSS and they're online. some are cool. most are lame.

delicious pages are sweet. tons of sweet, sweet candy.

oh. ok. this is what I learned today:

went up to an editing place. probably production house. and it's 1pm. lunch time. top floor on mercer st.

there's probably 20 people working there. each one ordering something different for lunch. and there's one guy whose sole job and purpose in life was to tick off lunch orders and serve them up. he'd sharpie the lunch containers. this is thai food for so-and-so. and this is chinese for the other guy.

and he did that the entire time I was there. over half an hour.

the place had a Wii. ping pong table. wooden floors. open spaces. long dining table. stocked kitchen. fancy drawers that have breaks on them. if you open, and slam it close. it'll slow down, and spring load itself closed. sweet.

and cupboards fill of candy. so it's heaven.

everyone seemed cool and laid back.

it's where I'd want to work. if I was into production.

maybe the office paid for lunch. that'd be sweet. 'cause that's the epitome of living large. when the place you work at pays for lunch. every day. for 20 people. fanciness at its peak.

recently read steve martin's bio. I think I wrote about that already. finishing interface designs. and reading debbie's book.

not much else. blah. blah. I'd rather be reading.