Anticipation

Tomorrow's a big day and I don't know what to do with myself.

Haven't felt this since September last year. Maybe May.

That feeling you get the day before school starts. before you go to Disneyland. You should go to sleep, 'cause you have to get up early.

But you get to bed early and all you do is think. Your mind wanders and runs around.

Can't sleep. what's going to happen tomorrow? Everything. Anything imaginable, unthought of will happen.

Seeing your friends again after summer break. The potential for new classmates. new adventures. experiences.

Very anxious. But it'll wear off in a few days. When I'm in the middle of it.

I'm not in the middle of it now. I'm waiting. It'll happen in a few hours.

Man, oh, man. what if I fuck this up. that'd be horrible. I think I know what to expect. I think. I hope I know what I'm expecting. I hope it'll be fun.

I hope I'll learn.

Hope and wish and wonder.

What if I don't wake up on time? Silly thoughts.

I doesn't make any sense. Well, I care about it. that's why I want to go puke a bit. Don't want to mess it up.

I'll be okay. right? right.

I'll look back at this tomorrow and see how over-anxious I was.

this post is irrefixable. unsalvageable. quite forgettable.