Luxury = Wastefulness

I hate that equation. That luxury is equated with how much you can waste. How much you can spend. The more superlatives, the more luxurious.

It's this need to feel validated that drives us to spend more than my twin. Or whoever I'm comparing myself to.

Is there such a thing as sustainable luxury? Would that solve half our problems? Assuming that the current problem is consuming ourselves to death.

Good And Tired

Feeling good from reading the right things. hearing the right words.

tired from not enough sleep.

so I'll be sleeping with a smile.

Not Having A Computer

It's the equivalent of crashing on someone's couch. I thought I had written about it.

But can't find it.

A feeling of insufficiency. Not the right size. Have what I need, but not what I want.

Oh. I did write about it. In my post-it notes.

Going to pick it up tomorrow. Like picking up your significant other at the airport. Anticipation of reunions.

What is it going to look like? Am I going to recognize it?

Gasp.

Feels like too many things are on hold because I haven't had a laptop for almost days now. Excuses? Most likely.

Eyes are tired. I completely went back to browsing instead of finishing this post.

and.....done.

I can understand anything if it's slow enough, contextual enough, and of course, gestural enough.

I get anxious when sitting in front of my computer for too long.

It's a combination of seeing all the things I could be doing. and not doing all the things I could be doing 'cause I'm reading about all these wonderful things.

::le sigh::

24 In 2009

It's my first birthday since graduation. The first time where I don't have to be doing anything. The first time I can do everything.

A combination of freedom, friends, and ffffinding out what life could be about.

What's funny is this sense of being wiser than I was yesteryear. And it'll happen again next year. No doubt. A constant cycle of looking back and not understanding how I could be so oblivious a dozen months ago.

It's Plato's allegory of the digital cave.

New perspectives. Jogging past the overhead projection that is life.

Whips and flickers. Blinks and whispers.

It's the best one so far. Not because everything is  wonderful. Not in that sense.

Not that I'm happy. Nor un-happy. But that there's clarity. It's a vague feeling of knowing. Figuring it out.
The sky clearing. Fog fading. Cool air through nostrils. The sun rising.

It's 9:33pm. And I'm born again today.

Hello, world.

Tonight

Overall, pretty good. It all depends on how I wake up tomorrow.

The Saddest Sentence Of Today

"The average man is a conformist, accepting miseries and disasters with the stoicism of a cow standing in the rain." - New Existentialist

Hello World

It's my birthday tomorrow, and instead of birthday wishes, I want this for my birthday instead: answer two questions for me here. (should take you 45 seconds. 60 if you finger-type.)

Yay!

The Easiest Birthday Gift

Txting on planes

In itself. The news is not that big of a deal. Reminds me of a list of stupid things on commercial planes vs. the air force. That article claimed that air force planes are facing the tail, which is safer than commercial planes.

All that aside.

What I find interesting here is that they're announcing their texting service that's planned for September. that's 8 months ahead of launch. What does this mean? Are they testing the waters? Dipping their toes in the service pool?

[source Txting on planes]

Optimal age for confidence and self worth

The survey's conducted by a mineral water company, discredited? not 100% just partially. Regardless of results, I'd like to think I'll be happiest and most confident right before I die. I'll have something to look forward to that way. If 32 is optimal age of happiness, it's not much fun after that, is it?

[original article here]

A Better New Year's Resolution

via Experience Planner
and How to be Interesting

The way to be interesting is to be interested. You’ve got to find what’s interesting in everything, you’ve got to be good at noticing things, you’ve got to be good at listening. If you find people (and things) interesting, they’ll find you interesting.

Interesting people are good at sharing. You can’t be interested in someone who won’t tell you anything. Being good at sharing is not the same as talking and talking and talking. It means you share your ideas, you let people play with them and you’re good at talking about them without having to talk about yourself.

The marvelous thing about tinterweb is that it’s got great tools for being interested and great tools for sharing. So I’ve used them a lot. It should, of course, be obvious that there are many other ways to be interesting. Some of them don't involve computers at all. These are just 10 things, and if you do them you’ll get more interesting. Or at the very least you’ll start practising the skills of being interesting.

It's sort of didactic, bossy even, but it's supposed to be instructional, rules you can follow. If you do them, and send me evidence that you’ve done them for three months, then I’ll send you a marvelous ‘I’m More Interesting Than I Was Three Months Ago’ certificate.


1. Take at least one picture everyday. Post it to flickr.

You should carry a camera with you. A phonecam will do. The act of carrying a camera, and always keeping an eye out for a picture to take changes the way you look at the world. It makes you notice more things. It keeps you tuned in.

Posting it to flickr (or other photosharing sites) means that you’re sharing it. It’s in public. This will make you think a little harder about what you shoot and it might draw you into conversation about your pictures.

2. Start a blog. Write at least one sentence every week.

This is pretty easy. If you just did this much I’d be disapppointed. You should write more sentences. Or you should write one true sentence. But I suspect that you won’t be able to limit yourself to just one sentence, I suspect you’ll get bitten and want to do more.

It’s easy to knock blogging as a kind of journalism of the banal but in some ways that’s its strength. Bloggers don’t go out and investigate things (mostly) they’re not in exciting or glamorous places, they’re not given a story, they have to build one out of the everyday lives they lead. And this makes them good at noticing things, things that others might not have seen. And being a blogger, feeling the need to write about stuff makes you pay attention to more things, makes you go out and see more stuff, makes you carry a notebook, keeps you tuned in to the world.


3. Keep a scrapbook

I’ve talked about this before. It’s good. Do it.

4. Every week, read a magazine you’ve never read before

Interesting people are interested in all sorts of things. That means they explore all kinds of worlds, they go places they wouldn’t expect to like and work out what’s good and interesting there. An easy way to do this is with magazines. Specialist magazines let you explore the solar system of human activities from your armchair. Try it, it’s fantastic.

5. Once a month interview someone for 20 minutes, work out how to make them interesting. Podcast it.

Again, being interesting is about being interested. Interviewing is about making the other person the star; finding out what they know or think that’s interesting. Could be anyone, a friend, a colleague, a stranger, anyone. Find out what’s compelling about them. Interviewing stops you butting in too much and forces you to listen. Good thing to practice. (And it's worth noticing the people who are good at it.) Podcasting is sharing. Sharing is something you must get used to.

6. Collect something

It could be anything. It could be pictures of things. But become an expert in something unexpected and unregarded. Develop a passion. Learn how to communicate that to other people without scaring them off. Find the other few people who share your interest. Learn how to be useful in that community.


7. Once a week sit in a coffee-shop or cafe for an hour and listen to other people’s conversations. Take notes. Blog about it. (Carefully)

Take little dips in other people’s lives. Listen to their speech patterns and their concerns. Try and get them down on paper. (Don’t let them see. Try not to get beaten up.) Don’t force it, don’t hop from table to table in search of better eavesdropping, just bask in the conversations that come your way.


8. Every month write 50 words about one piece of visual art, one piece of writing, one piece of music and one piece of film or TV. Do other art forms if you can. Blog about it

If you want to work in a creative business (and before long most businesses will be creative businesses) you’ll have to get used to having a point of view on artistic stuff. Even if it’s not very artistic. You’ll have to be comfortable with expressing an opinion on things you don’t know how to make or do, like music or writing. You get better at that through practice. And through sharing what you’ve written.

9. Make something

Do something with your hands. Create something from nothing. It could be knots, it could be whittling, Lego, cake or knitting. Take some time to get outside your head. Ideally, make something you have no idea how to do. Get something from Make and try it, assuming you’ll screw it up the first time. People love people who can make things. Making’s the new thinking. Share your things on the your blog, or, if you’re brilliant maybe you can share them on etsy.


10. Read:

Understanding Comics - Scott McCloud
The Mezzanine - Nicholson Baker
The Visual Display Of Quantitative Information - Edward Tufte

All these books are good for their own reasons but they’re also good examples of people who are really interested in stuff that others think of as banal and who explain it in a way that makes you share their passion. That's good.

Fell asleep

And woke up with ASDF across my cheeks.

sort of. not really. that'd be kind of nice, right? being exhausted.

JKLSemi-colon.

Priorities

Hi.

It's not that we don't have enough time, it's our priorities that aren't in line.

Bye.

Tired.

What else is new?

Not much apparently. I don't like the idea of work. or not at this moment because I'm tired.

The blinking cursor is a sign. Go to sleep. It implies.

I concur.

Not As Planned

My month long project hasn't been as smooth as I've wanted it to be. Lesson learned.

The Peer Scholarship Fund

It's up. It's out. I'm thrilled to announce The Peer Scholarship Fund.

My first project since graduating SVA.

Feedback and participation are highly welcomed.

No comment

4:48am

The problem with getting enough sleep is a ruined schedule.

I'm now up at five in the morning. Don't really want to sleep, but I know I should somehow. The human condition. Doing what I want instead of what I should.

Because I feel that staying up might be more productive. Cause I can't work while sleeping. But I can when I wake up. Energized.

Not sure what the issue is here. Maybe a lack of options. Must be it. It is. Set. Done.

2:31am, just woke up an hour ago

'cause I've been tired. it's been a long week. went by really fast.

haven't had enough sleep. so I caught up with it tonight. laid in bed with it.

waking up at 1am is pretty delicious. or maybe it was just this time.

and waking up to wonderful emails are sunshine at midnight.

a friend of mine might be getting a job soon. might not seem like much. plenty of people have jobs. but it's been quite a journey for him to get from A to B. I've helped him along the way in whatever ways I have.

so I feel like the parent dropping of his kid on the first day of college. a bit proud, and lots of mixed emotions. happy and jealous and glad. relieved.

I started writing offline. as in a notebook. with ink and paper. neither digital nor battery operated.

then I started planning about blogging some of the entries. and now I don't feel like writing in it 'cause it's 2:37 and the lights are off. not conducive to ink and paper.

can't remember what my 4th new year's resolution is. maybe it's not as important as I want it to be.

how can my thoughts be so disjointed? a flutter of ADD. hummingbird here. humming-there. here. here.

tomorrow. will finish one project. release it into the world, because I'm tired of it riding my shoulders.

What's Important

The two most important things in my life (that aren't people):

Contacts
RSS Feeds

who I know and what I know.

I've backed up both. so I'm safe for now, right?

Tired.

In a good way.

A New Series of Experiences

I'm starting a series of entries that I'll publish in a month. This is an alert to all those who follow me here. While I'll still blog about other things, I'll reveal what I'm working on now a month from now.

Should be fun.

I'm still so fucking excited I can justify cursing.

A quiet, internal cursing. Bursting emotion. Repeated blasts.

Blogging while in bed. Welcome, 21st century.

Hoping that I can release feelings onto the keyboard into the 'net. So it's out of me. So it's recorded. Archived.

Thoughts. Thoughts. Thoughts. And some mo'.

How can I sleep when I'm wandering around. It's uncomfortable excitement.

Can't sit still. Lay quiet. Breathe slow.

Good night, night. Hello, morning.

Again, I'm starving for some attention from a nice sandwich.

Anticipation

Tomorrow's a big day and I don't know what to do with myself.

Haven't felt this since September last year. Maybe May.

That feeling you get the day before school starts. before you go to Disneyland. You should go to sleep, 'cause you have to get up early.

But you get to bed early and all you do is think. Your mind wanders and runs around.

Can't sleep. what's going to happen tomorrow? Everything. Anything imaginable, unthought of will happen.

Seeing your friends again after summer break. The potential for new classmates. new adventures. experiences.

Very anxious. But it'll wear off in a few days. When I'm in the middle of it.

I'm not in the middle of it now. I'm waiting. It'll happen in a few hours.

Man, oh, man. what if I fuck this up. that'd be horrible. I think I know what to expect. I think. I hope I know what I'm expecting. I hope it'll be fun.

I hope I'll learn.

Hope and wish and wonder.

What if I don't wake up on time? Silly thoughts.

I doesn't make any sense. Well, I care about it. that's why I want to go puke a bit. Don't want to mess it up.

I'll be okay. right? right.

I'll look back at this tomorrow and see how over-anxious I was.

this post is irrefixable. unsalvageable. quite forgettable.

My Inner Facebook

In response to Ze Frank taking over someone else's Facebook profile for a week.

And the responses from the person without facebook for a week

My final observation is this:

When are we on facebook? When we have down time. When we don't have anything else that we must do, we're potentially on facebook.

Someone sends us a message, we sign in, and we end up digging around for a few hours.

If we had things higher on the priority list, facebook wouldn't be there. It's when we have down time that we can see if anyone is taking time off to look at us, to poke us, message us, write on our walls, give us gifts.

If we're not the ones receiving the attention, who is? This person is doing this with that person. They did this over the weekend. And we're vicariously living through it. Commenting on it. then check back and see if anyone responded to our comments on the event we weren't participating in.

So it all comes down to me, me, me. I send out messages, and wonder who's going to write back.

There's a daily upkeep to stay on top of everyone's mind. If I update my facebook, it'll be on everyone's newsfeed. And in turn, they might comment on it. A sign of validation that we exist. That what we do matters to others.

If we don't maintain our profile, we'll be forgotten. And that's probably why we frantically put up new neon signs telling others that we're alive, and doing things outside of facebook. It's proof that we matter.

Now, this is going to be fed into my newsfeed, and maybe someone will comment on it. And the cycle starts all over again.

New Year's Resolution (work in progress)

In random order:

1. Reply to all emails within 24 hours. Or your money back.
2. Less thinking, more doing.
3. Learn 3 things about someone.
4. Compile a list of weaknesses; stop watching TV with subtitles; improve small talk;

Six Years Ago

Sitting in Mrs. Noble's AP English class, recommended by Greg.

Six years later, I either finish watching it, or I'm watching it again and I don't remember the second half.

Either way, it's magical.

Punch Drunk Love. ::le sigh::

Started watching Coffee and Cigarettes on Hulu, but couldn't really swallow the commercials and the small screen. The dialogue wasn't helping either. So I said, enough of this torture, I want something better.

Pull out the time machine and Punch Drunk Love inside the DVD player.

Afterwards, google Paul Thomas Anderson and realize that Annie had told me about him before. From There Will Be Blood. scroll some more and IMDB tells me that he wrote Coffee and Cigarettes. Is that the definition of irony?

I can't take this crappy movie, and the circumstances surrounding the experience, so I'll opt for your other movie that'll be added to my list of favorites.

I love how awkward he is throughout the movie. Maybe it's what I'm feeling right now. Maybe it's the piano on the desk. Or that I might actually try to collect pudding because of a marketing mistake.

I'd watch it again with the commentaries if it wasn't 2:59am. Better this way, I'll sleep with a smile on my face.

(image from here)

0:10 My thumbs hurt.

I've been on the computer all day. Literally. just sitting on top of my laptop.

had my two meals in between looking at html and css and playing with this and toying with that.

it's christmas day. but it doesn't really mean much. christmas eve is where the fun is.

the anticipation is what's exciting. having it never lives up to the expectations we build up for it.

thumbs still hurt. I need some form of mindless activity right now. sleep is on that list. but I don't really want to do that. 'cause I'll eventually get to it.

the thing I hate about doing things wrong is not knowing where the mistake was. so it'll get to a point of WTF happened? why isn't it working? and then I have to back-track. was it this? was it that?

no no. maybe it was, and I'll never know.

I'm probably just tired. that probability is at 100%.

on to searching for that mindless activity. goodbye, 2008. I'll see you in a few days and say bye formally. in a t-shirt tuxedo. 'cause we're homies like that. I've known you for almost a year now. almost.

Oh, Schnaz!

To all my graphic design and advertising buddies. I thought of you when I saw this. 'Cause it certainly feels true every now and then.

Merry Christmas!

(that's not me behind the board, it's some other self-depricating guy, maybe him)

Anxiety

That feeling you get right before the race. On your mark, get set

And it never arrives. Feels as if my body's ready to leap, but no one's pulling the trigger. Perpetual anticipation. Any moment now. Not yet. Almost. Don't blink. Hold. Breathe.

The Last Lecture

Haven't watched it yet. Will do. Soon. ish.

Overshare

Webster's word of the year. There's a way to sell your dictionary and increase brand awareness. Googling the list of runners up, there's a different list of winners. hmmm, why is there a discrepancy?

misinformation via: Random Culture

More Bacon!

Thanks to Max (via: xkcd.com)

A better way to meet girls.

Or just people in general. 'Cause girls are people, too.

It's called Livemocha. Found it yesterday. Joined today. will start practicing tonight. Bam, bam, bam.

I recant my post yesterday about Lymabean. 'Cause LiveMocha is definitely better. And tomorrow, I'll recant this post because I'll find a better social network.

It's a step up from Lymabean and Facebook because the community is around a specific set of goals. In this case, learning a language to meet, umm, people.

So that means there'll be a social network for everything we can think of. food. babies. law school students? political junkies. backpackers. music, but not just music as in last.fm, but musicians. the way myspace is without all the other crap.

we've arrived to the point were we can't please everyone, just pick someone and love 'em 'to death.

Layoffs during hard times

If you read all these articles in one sitting, it paints a pretty bleak picture. And sets a tone for how we should behave in the next year.

Or it could all be exaggerated. So for those of us without jobs, good luck. And for those of us that are already working, we'll pray for you, too.

Most of these were pulled off the front page of AdAge. Seems like they're covering the topic pretty extensively.
A quick overview of the massacre

AdScam Speculation about jobloss

More Slashing
Omnicom to slash 3,500 jobs

Advice for Recent Graduates

The Firer and the Firee

Your friend gets fired, now it's a bit awkward between you two

Mostly useless advice reminding you to go get 'em

After reading all that, you'd figure that people are jumping off buildings and setting their clothes on fire.

But maybe the take-away is to somehow seize this as an opportunity to stand out. I don't know how. If you figure something out, let me know.

(In other economic downturn news, Superbowl ads. I'm upset FedEx isn't spending millions to entertain me this year. I'm 5 years old and you just told me Santa isn't coming this Christmas. I'm inconsolable. read it and weep a quiet sob here.)

If Facebook was more graceful: Lymabean

Another social network site. what Facebook could be. what myspace could've been.

localized ads seems to be more relevant and makes a lot more sense. though I'm skeptical of the part where he claims that you can read the businesses profile but they can't see yours, right.

and who's going to become a fan of the local plumber?

is the plumber even going to know how to promote himself on the network?

seems like it's restricted to only bars, restaurants, and social places. starbucks? how does that fit in?

Lymabean

via: Mashable

Snowflake up my nose

Snow is naturally romantic, because it drifts in slow motion. A gleeming white backdrop to your life.

'Tis a photo I took right after lunch in Chinatown.

It's nasty afterwards. The slush.

So enjoy it as it's floating down.

2:08am How to Read

wanted to find out what the best reading conditions were. 'cause I was at the public library today (Barnes & Nobles) and my eyes got tired.

is BN aware of this? do they optimize their lights, chairs, tables to maximize tired eyes? what about the typesetting in books? what's the optimal condition to read a book?

because once I go blind, I can't enjoy the flood of information any more.

googled "ideal reading conditions" and variations of that phrase with synonyms.

ended up on a post about How to Read

Just as useful, but not exactly what I wanted. and I haven't really thought about how I read. what am I doing when I read?

this is what we used to do when writing book reports back in school. but we no longer do that. it's not fun. and we read for pleasure, not to force ourselves to learn.

so I've tried to take notes sometimes, and maybe I should just start highlighting things. so I can go back, and read and report them. so maybe instead of trying to read 50 books a year. I'll do only 25, with book reports. maybe even 12, and really know what I'm talking about.

sucks that I'm halfway through 3 books. so I'll start doing that with the next books. but the highlighting will start today.

Mac vs PC

I still laugh when I see this. Why is that? I know the punchline. I know when it's coming. But I still smile when he swipes across the table.

oh you.

Names

The importance of them.

And how one name can rebrand all other ones. You hear a name and the standard has been set already by someone else you know by that name.

The obvious example being Hitler. Hi, my name is "Hitler." oh. as in...? yeah. but not as infamous. or just as infamous, however you look at it.

There are people in our lives that do this. Everyone name-parks. Some have to live up to the image others have set.

'Tis life.

Simpsons on Apple

Mapple - The Simpsons
by aarplane

Kind of funny, but not absolutely new observations. I did like the homage to the 1984 spot, though.

Via Jeff Staples

Sensory Overload

Maybe I should just lock myself inside a room with internet access and read everything 'til I'm blind.

Then I'll have to force myself to live a different life where I can't want to absorb information any more.

Damn you, Internet!

Let this be the day I officially mark my love/hate/love relationship with you, Internet.

There. I said it.

This is why:

I receive an email from a friend about a lecture by Big Spaceship, then;

I Google "Big Spaceship," then;

I click on the CEO's blog, then;

I click on the place his blog is hosted, now;

I have another blog to check out and distract myself with.

This is the new blog service: Posterous

Thank you, Internet.

Debbie's Guide To My Own Personal Happiness

no bragging to increase my own sense of worthyness.

makeup makes you feel prettier until you have to take it off, same with clothes. how you feel about yourself can't be repaired by how you look.

pride vs. hubris. know the difference.

assume change won't kill you.

money in the bank won't give you courage. courage begets courage.

freedom is knowing what you want to lose.

people need a lot of water.

being right is not as important as knowing when you're wrong.

when you don't know what to say. shut up.


from August 2005. But still true.

Happy New Year!

It's going to be here in 30 days. Thirty!

With any new year, comes resolutions.

And I say, if you have a resolution already in mind, start now.

Because if it's going to be good enough to act on it in 30 days, why not do it now?

So you can indulge a bit more in your shady habits? If you can't change today, what's going to happen in a month that's going to change the way you behave? magic? really?

They say it's insanity to do the same thing repeatedly only to expect different results. I wouldn't go so far, I'd just call it emotion over logic.

If you want to do anything, google it. it's that simple.

A quick search on "new year's resolution" pulls up tons of a advice on how to make and plan one out. all very similar advice in different forms.

focus, small chunk it, and make it measurable. my personal favorite is a support system. 'cause it's easier that way when we have people to follow and encourage us.

just four steps. easy enough to make and break. four!

and don't just have a resolution to fill the silence during co-worker conversations. you don't have to have one.

if they ask, say: "my resolution this year is to not have any"

and if you break it, great. 'cause you'll be working towards something else.

it's win-win.

so if you have a chocolate habit, or some other crack-meth related addiction, maybe it's time to think about it.

if nothing else. sit down and think.

leave the mouse, don't click on anything. sit. breathe. tell me there's nothing about your life you want to improve. and we can leave it at that.

but don't tell you want changes and add excuses. I don't want to hear it.

that's enough preaching. I'm going to get off my soap box and start my list.

Happy new year, world.

More energy from this new morning routine

going to give it a try for a week, and see how it works out. ha. works out.

http://www.dumblittleman.com/2008/04/2-simple-ingredients-that-will-boost.html

Inbox Zero

Inbox Zero: cleaning out my inbox.

Delete/archive: no more subarchiving
delegate: waiting on
Respond: keep things in motion, ask a question

convert everything into actions

periodically check email. on a schedule.

stop thinking about taxonomy

to-do: capture and recall.

email bankruptcy

technology's not going to fix broken practices.

source: 43 Folders

Trying to figure out "lifestream"

It's what I've been thinking about.

Now that I know what the google word for it is. I can figure it out. how long though?

and yes. google has a different set of words for those things you think about in your head and want to know more about. "search terms"?

Overdosing on information

That's the diagnosis right now. of all the things plaguing me. this is it.

too much information. I want to digest it all. and I just don't know where to start.

I started cleaning out my stack of Economist mags today. all the ones I didn't get a chance to read while I was in school.

flipping through to rip out articles. time went by. picked out over two dozen articles. they're on my table now. and there's another 12 months worth of issues to go through.

my intention was to through out the magazines.

so that'll be done tomorrow.

exhibit #2: tried to renew my domain name. links through links. endup with another dozen pages of articles to read. and two new RSS feeds that I probably can't go through. awesome.

how am I ever going to digest all this information?

I need to focus. and ignore everything else. but then I don't want to miss out on life.

so where's the middle ground? middle ground is average. and you know how feel about that idea. it's for chumps. middle of the road is safe.

I don't know what the solution is.

Improvements

There's a better way to do anything. more efficient. faster. less effort. automatic.

I've never had a such an urge to get up and fold some shirts.

I also noticed YouTube is in widescreen format now. hmmm...

Nostalgia

this photo breaks my heart.

into a million little pieces. like the sprinkles in that faux-book.

dropping sprinkles three feet above the table. they just pour out and bounce and collide.

each piece a fraction of happiness. and I'm desperately trying to catch them all with a toothpick.

it's not working. frantic.

and there are fractions all over. you can't put it back together.

I don't know why I'm nostalgic about it.

maybe I miss having to do nothing.

maybe I miss my childhood.

8:52

woke up at 7:30 today.

It's taken three days to build up to this moment of lucidity.

my sleeping habits have been atrocious. not something I could wear a badge of pride for.

so things are starting to change.

I've been getting earlier these past three days.

and today has been the best yet. got up at 7:30. and milled around online trying to come up with a new email address, which is pretty hard, 'cause like what women say about guys, all the good ones are taken.

but that's loser talk.

trying to wake up is painful.

there's a little voice inside my head telling me that it's okay to sleep for five more minutes. and it suckers you into an hour.

maybe I just need some breakfast right now and everything would be a-okay.

I could be warmer. that'd be nice.

but sleep would be awesome. that's that voice again. coaxing and cooing. like a teenage boy trying to put it in.

and waking up is like fighting a kid.

the minute I take away sleep. it kicks and screams. moans and graoaw;lkfasd.

but new habits can be made.

and I refuse to believe that there's such a thing as a "morning" person or "night owl" (doesn't an owl imply the night already? when have you seen a morning owl?)

anyway. my point is that habits can be changed. if I'm not a morning person and I make myself get up enough times early in the day, I'll eventually become that morning person I wasn't before. it's a matter of time. and sleeping habits.

so this is day three in that new habit.

hello, morning.

5:00

Ringing ears for $26.

The Definitive Series

A series of definitions.

Today's:

Gifts (which I've already semi-defined in another post).

A gift is not something the person is asking for. it's something they don't know they want.

that's a better gift.

if it's coming from you then it can't come from anyone else.

money doesn't matter. it's the thought that matters. and that doesn't mean that remembering to give a gift counts as "the thought"

"the thought" in this case means figuring out what they wanted before they even knew it. that's the thought that counts. not just remembering.

they should feel good. long term? short term? the length of elation correlates with how good your gift is. this is a reason why materialistic things aren't the best gifts.

they'll bring a smile. but it won't last. new wears out fast. is that why we have to give people gifts constantly? 'cause they wear out at such a rapid pace?

oh. wrapping. expensive wrapping is lame. they're going to rip it anyway. I use newspaper. plenty of text and imagery to choose from. and it's cheap and you can recycle it.

what does it mean if you don't get good gifts? that you know what you want and you usually get it before other people can give it to you?

4:25am

I feel like spewing. haven't done this in a while.

consecutive entries. without executive pay.

bang bang bang.

she's dead. resuscitate. one. two. clear. zap. zap. clear.

I was watching charlie rose this morning. Michelle Rhee? from the DC school system. about holding teachers accountable. and it got me thinking about whether I agree with what she was doing.

I haven't figured it out yet. but it seems like a good idea. because if you don't hold the teachers accountable with test results. then what kind of students do you end up with? the ones heading towards a dead end?

but then you start teaching towards test. and that's narrow minded.

what does a black president do to the psyche of a whole generation of disenfranchised kids?

how do you glamorize education to battle rap-star lifestyles of the athlete famous?

get-rich-quick. might lead to dying quicker.

there are things in this world that our parents don't teach us. money matters. how to be a parent. how to be a person.

simple things that affect our lives. where the fuck are we supposed to learn these things? by idolizing idols? this is all very twisted.

it almost seems that google could have the answer to raising kids.

how are kids supposed to be raised? 'cause it's obvious that there are people out there that aren't suitable parents. so what do you do? sterilize?

this is not fun.

I don't need sleep. but it's time to sleep.

pretending

I hate pretending.

hate it.

there are few things that I hate.

because hate's a strong word.

and I think I've blogged about this before.

pretending.

I don't know why I haven't gotten around it yet. it'll take time. but I don't like pretending. it's lame.

Gifts

inspired by today's events.

it's my sister's birthday. so I spent a large part of my day thinking about a birthday gift for her.

what is a gift?

something the person wants? something you want them to have? me being francisco, I didn't want to give her something that money could buy. something that anyone else can get her.

so I thought about it. while browsing for a new phone for myself.

what does she need? what has she told me before? what does she need that she doesn't even know? so I thought. and I let things simmer.

and that was my afternoon.

back to the definition of gifts. which came to me after I thought about what to get her. wandered around Target. not for anything in particular except ideas.

the next time someone asks me if they can help me find something, I want to say: yeah, I'm actually just looking for some Purpose In Life. can you help me find some? they might laugh and think deep down that I'm a jerk for jerking them around.

so Targé. I saw a club wedd kiosk, and thought of those club wedd days.

materialistic things are nice. they give you a shot of whatever chemicals are released into your brain.

but I want something long term. something that'll last and mean something. not a hallmark card. 'cause that's the complete opposite of meaningful.

I settled on something that I want to give her. not a "thing" per say. it's intangible. she probably doesn't know that she wants it. I haven't given it to her yet. I have to sit her down and pre-amble her with a speech.

it's going to be a lifetime gift. if she wants to accept it. and I hope that in giving this to her, I'll be more disciplined.

because of all the people in my life. the things I've had recently are all from her.

education, security, shelter. three words that have meant the last three years of my life and will affect the rest of it. all from her.

I don't have enough money to spend on a gift for her. so I'll use what she gave me to give something back to her.

maybe this will backfire. in which case, there's no plan B. things'll just blow up.

but I hope that today, her birthday, will really be the beginning of something. where we'll look back and say, that's when we decided to do things differently. that was the milestone.

that day after Barack was elected. speaking of which, google, you should put Barack Obama into your spell check. there shouldn't be a red squiggly underneath Barack.

I just typed in hitler and it was recognized. does google recognize hitler and not obama? what retarded logic. not the spell check but the pseudo accusation I just made.

faux-cusation.

back to gifts.

giving her what she doesn't know she needs.

and this goes back to something I learned from debbie's class. that if we believe in what we sell. we should sell to our families and friends. because if they don't deserve what we're selling, then why would we sell it to anyone else?

so what I've been preaching with my business card was part of it.

I want to help my sister be a better person.

I don't know why I haven't been more active about it before. school? life? lame-o-emo issues?

well. if I can't help my sister out. then I don't know what good I can do with the world.

so this better work. 'cause there's no plan B.

0:35am serious conversations

an intense conversation with mom. about serious things.

something that hasn't happened in a long time.

it came about after some insignificant comment. but then that comment was our jumping off point.

where once you slice open a wound, things just pour out.

and it hurts before it heals.

so that was good. not the gushing. but the fact that we talked. and things were communicated.

if I died tomorrow. I'd be happier 'cause this talk happened.

it'd be one of those things people in movies say they wish they did before their significant other passed away. so that thing happened tonight.

and I hope it happens more often.

'cause why is it such an effort to keep in touch with my parents? it should be natural.

hi at 3:08am

comfort.

too comfortable right now.

in the sense that I can stay up 'til 3:09 in the morning repeatedly doing things that semi-matter.

this can't be good.

no more I shoulds. but I should be doing things.

I miss the stars. the ones in oregon. the space.

saw "the human experience" tonight. go watch it when you can. it's good. life changing in that small, but permanent way.

subconscious enough for you to remember it a few years from now. that's just me projecting into the future.

Time and time again. 2:16

if someone invented time.

why can't someone else invent more time?

there's too many to-do lists with too many items on them.

filling a dixie cup with a fire-hydrant. done.

that's how much time I feel is left in the sand-clock. the hour glass. you can plug it.

but then that's lying. cheating. so what am I doing wrong? am I using a water-glass instead of sand? air? damn it.

someone get the quik-dry cement. put a stop to this. time out my world. freeze-tag it.

there's too much grease on my paper plate. it's not going to hold on much longer.

and my hands are greasy! I hate greasy hands. it gets all over my keyboard. now I can't use my inDesign short-cuts. curse you, grease.

enough venting-mocha-latte. time to wash my hands clean. breathe in. and monkey-wrench that fire hydrant to a trickle.

on eating. 3:03 am

Eating a sandwich is the epitome of being okay.

if you're diffusing a bomb and have a sandwich on one hand. there's no problem.

if you're in a shootout and eating a sandwich. a-okay.

eating is a sign that everything is alright.

it's a reminder that we're human. in the middle of anything, we can still take care of ourselves.

we're enjoying. it's a luxury.

when you're not eating. something's wrong.

2:03 discipline

it's hard to start a routine when my schedule is determined by my whims.

I can always do it tomorrow.

Happyness in three steps:

In random order:

- Work, to make money: being self-sufficient.
- Something, haven't figured it out yet.
- Work, to make things for the sake of making things.

4:07 back in the east coast

not sure where it's from, but someone, maybe more than one person, once said:

no matter where you go — there you are.

time for new habits? possible?

people say you should break from habits. but I haven't established my habits yet.

16:07 GPS Systems

The next evolution in navigational systems will guide you through life.

13:47 Snooping

watching. following. looking?

and sundry adjectives.

browsing through someone's facebook photos gives you a false sense of who you think they are.

you'll see all the photos and assume things. and if you happen to be interested in the person, delusions.

idealized and romanticized thoughts as to who they are. and who they can be.

and that's fun.

then I see things that tell me, oh, she's probably too much this way or that way, and I say, it'll probably be more fun if I just watch from afar. check in every now and then.

and leave it at that. keep the fantasy going. keep it alive. because it's fun at this moment. and I'd rather have that than finding out anything else.

what a silly world we live in.

23:55pm Seattle to Portland

A weekend in Seattle only gives you a glimpse of the city.

How long do you have to live in a city in order to know it? to figure out what makes it different from other cities?

two and a half days isn't enough.

I get to take photos and walk around. be in the city, but afterwards, there isn't much left for comparison.

only an impression and assumptions.

I'm tired now. not sure why. maybe 'cause I walked around quite a bit today at the Fair. where they sell 400 thread count egyptian cotton sheets.

I don't know what to take away from all this time off. all this exploring. digging myself out with a spoon.

maybe some perspective on life. a smidge.

When art is co-opted by ads

CP Luv points to this video.

It upsets me.

I actually enjoyed these inflatable bag-nimals when I saw them for the first time. But then it gets to a point where I've had enough of it.

It's a one shot.

Then I see the ad. which doesn't feel genuine. They try to tie it into riding the subway instead of driving. it makes sense, but it doesn't feel genuine. seems fake and forced.

so I don't like it.

the ad drives people to the site, but the site is lame.

it's the not the first time I've seen art co-opted for advertising. will it ever be legit?

don't think so. because the art wasn't created with that purpose. so when the ads try to use it, it wasn't the original intention.

can you justify it? maybe. but it still feels like a cop-out. finding the easy way out. it'll never be as good as coming something uniquely for the ad.

the magic is gone when you know how the trick is done.

19:04pm Shopping is the most romantic thing imaginable

Strolling my way home, I passed by the Utretcht art supply store. Wander in and look around.

I look for a sketch pad, because I want to fill up a whole book with my wonderful ideas.

blank canvases all around me. each one a potential for something wonderful to happen.

I didn't need anything in particular. I've had plenty of sketchbooks half filled with scribbles, but none of them were close to the ideal sketchbook.

I didn't need anything, but I wanted to buy something, because of the potential.

shopping is the most romantic thing anyone can do.

Whenever we buy anything, we're buying potential. we have romanticized ideals as to what we want to do with our purchase. Make beautiful paintings. run better. look sexier. anything, but better. that's the goal when we buy things.

so we're always filled with what can be. that potential is what makes shopping so addicting. because we want to be better.

maybe that's why girls enjoy shopping more. because they can see the potential in things. they're more attuned to that part of them that allow them to see things. the better side of things.

then I went to Office Depot.

while going down the escalator, I thought about that potential again.

office depot doesn't sell office supplies. they sell potential. efficiency. they sell everything that can help you be more efficient at work. to be all you can be. at the office.

so I was naturally psyched about buying post-it notes. 'cause it'll help me be more organized and allow me to tack on neon squares of to-dos all around me.

same with index cards. to help me learn chinese. index cards.

I actually gasped in excitement when I saw half-sized index cards. what will they think of next?

then I went to Powell's book store. not books with information. but the potential to be inspired by stories. to be smarter from information.

when women go shopping. the potential to look better. to be desired.

that's the world we live in. it's filled with potential. all you have to do is buy it.

White-ish Birthday

0:56am A Sense of Oppression.

self imposed. stillness. silence. a spotlight in a concrete room.

the question is how does anyone control what they feel beyond any moment?

if you're sad. how do you turn it around and make yourself smile?

how long do you allow yourself to feel certain things until it's enough and no more.

enough so that any more is destructive. counter-productive.

how do you stop yourself when you can barely tell where you are. or how do you even realize what you don't know.

Nina Holton, whose playfully wild germs of ideas are the genesis of her sculpture, is very firm about the importance of hard work: "Tell anybody you're a sculptor and they'll say, 'Oh, how exciting, how wonderful.' And I tend to say, 'What's so wonderful?' It's like being a mason, or a carpenter, half the time. But they don't wish to hear that because they really only imagine the first part, the exciting part. But, as Khrushchev once said, that doesn't fry pancakes, you see. That germ of an idea does not make a sculpture which stands up. It just sits there. So the next stage is the hard work. Can you really translate it into a piece of sculpture?"

Jacob Rabinow, an electrical engineer, uses an interesting mental technique to slow himself down when work on an invention requires more endurance than intuition: "When I have a job that takes a lot of effort, slowly, I pretend I'm in jail. If I'm in jail, time is of no consequence. In other words, if it takes a week to cut this, it'll take a week. What else have I got to do? I'm going to be here for twenty years. See? This is a kind of mental trick. Otherwise you say, 'My God, it's not working,' and then you make mistakes. My way, you say time is of absolutely no consequence."

18:27 Reading online makes me anxious

Because the minute I open a page, see something interesting, and click on the link, there's something else on the new page that's interesting.

and down the rabbit hole we go.

it's worse when one page yields multiple pages. it quickly spider-webs into way too many tabs to read in one sitting. and before you know it, I'm reaching for my inhaler to keep myself from hyperventilating.

welcome to the joys of the information age. when everything is at my fingertips, how do I keep myself from overdosing?

“Talent” is like having a nice ass or a rich father; it helps open doors, but the actual work on the other side of the door is all on you."

from 43Folders

“I don’t miss my old life in New York. I only miss the life in New York I know I never would have had.”
“Just remember that there are other places,” she says, “and other people live there, with perfectly happy lives.”

from New York Magazine

Reading this article from Portland. I've lived in Miami besides NYC. But visiting Portland feels like the first time I've been to any other city besides NYC. maybe it's the lack of family.

or how different it is. or the fact that up until a certain point, you only consider certain things in a certain light. meaning that I had never thought about the liveability of cities until recently. and any experience before those thoughts started happening don't count.

the article affects how I feel about the tentative future, since, like all future events, nothing has happened yet.

There's so much labeling in the marketplace with the word luxury. It's become one of the most over-leveraged terns in marketing. But, curiously, no one's taken the concept of information and packaged it in a way that says: to get information first is one of the biggest luxuries of all. I think that there's room to use both the newspaper platform and probably a radio platform to create a very powerful print and broadcast brand.

— Tyler Brûlé

Portland: Entry Point

Hello, World.

It's 7:19am over here in Portland. Oregon, not Maine. though I do wonder if Portland, Maine is ever jealous that Portland, Oregon gets all the fame.

Today will be the first day of soul searching. Of actively thinking about things and writing them down. 'cause having things on e-paper translates into accountability.

I'm writing from the living room now. on the couch. the view to my right, a multi-floor parking lot. the roof is like the one you see in Fargo. without the snow and the shooting and the driving off with red spots in the spots.

how many hours has it been? maybe I should start a counter. that'll be for today. to javascript a clock that count-downs. or up. a clock that counts. clocks are the hardest working people I know. they work, umm, 'round the clock. and no one can really beat that.

unless you go at it with a wooden bat. and smash splinters around.

clock-bashing. not unlike gay bashing. though clock activists seem to be less vocal about their opinions. mostly due to their recent switch away from analog into the digital realm.

it's surprisingly cold here in Porti-land. not cold. that's a bit too much. it's chilly. the nice kind of wake-up-in-the-morning-with-Folgers-in-your-cup-with-a-sweater-wrapped-around-you-smoke-drifting-out-of-the-cup-into-your-nostrils chilly.

bare-foot-cold-tile-floor chilly.

surprise número dós. (maybe I'm throwing toó many accents around, it Latinizes everything. same how the ümlaut Germanizes everything. say, a half-pipe).

the second surprise: how easy it is to get away from everything.

Maybe these shouldnt' be online. I'm on text edit right now. way underrated program. but that's enough 'bout text-edit.

back to getting away from it all. for two hundred forty dollars, I started a new life for three weeks.

that means a back-pack, a suitcase, a ticket, and five hours later, I have a new life.

but only for three weeks.

and the flight wasn't even half bad. I know this might turn into an indirect JetBlue promotion, but that maybe that doesn't matter. maybe they earned their name-dropping today. or maybe that in itself should be a separate blog.

back to my point: five hours and I'm across the country. as far away as I can be from responsibility without crossing Canada and touching any other country. maybe California is farther, but that's not the point.

this all sounded so well thought out when I was writing it in bed. in my head.

if I can just pack up and leave for 3 weeks. how hard is it to pack up and leave for 3 years? 6 years? I found myself saying pretty damn easy. I just did it in two days. and theoretically, some people could do it within hours.

where does that leave us? anywhere we want to go. there's really no holding back.

given that I already had a place to stay and knew people. so maybe that's a big part of the equation.

what does it say about me when I feel that there's not much in NYC to keep me there? not my mom. nor my sis. 'cause they'll be fine with or without me. (sidebar: make a list of clichés to avoid, sidebar within sidebar: what kind of word is 'cliché'? french?)

and same with friends. I don't have a girlfriend whose arms I can run into when I land at JFK. friends come and go. you always make new friends. so where is the attachment? my metaphorical ball-n-chain? my anchor? and sundry heavy objects that weight things down?

maybe the only thing that can keep me in NYC is the repulsion of other cities.

or maybe the only thing that can keep us from moving are the reasons we make up. the attachments we have. maybe I don't feel attached to NYC. it's only been three years.

maybe my biological clock is saying get out of there.

maybe I like to say maybe all the time. maybe 'cause it makes me sound logical and considerate of alternative opinions to my own. open to be wrong.

what's in store for today? 7:46am

I want to write three times a day. write more than I eat. make room for new thoughts. actively look for it. something.

the sun is up.

7:51am

cars are driving by. it's that time of the day.

maybe I'll just have small writing times. five, six times a day. once every five, six hours. wake up in the middle of the night. with my eyes closed. and ghost typing in the air. sleep walking my thoughts into the keyboard.

and when all my dreams are done, bam, slump back into bed.

and start cooking. sorry. didn't mean to throw that out there at you like that. without warning. uninstigated (though that's not the word I'm looking for).

yes. me. cooking. let's just leave it for now and see how it develops.

it's nice that there's a tree right next to the parking lot. though taller, I'm sure it'll lose in a fight with the parking lot. there's just so much more concrete.

8am: maybe I'm done spilling my guts out.

10:58am

It's so beautiful out. Skin cancer almost seems worth it.

4:58am

I'll be okay tomorrow.

Right now, everything is fine. It is. Nothing is wrong. no cancer. no hunger. maybe a bit sleepy.

but nothing that can't be satisfied within an arms reach. if you know what I mean.

nothing is absolutely wrong. but there is.

of all the things that are good right now, I need a conversation.

not someone to talk to. you can talk to anyone. but someone beyond that superficial talk.

maybe that takes time. maybe I'm missing my friends. old school, nostalgic memories that haven't repeated themselves recently.

not sure what it is.

I think I know. maybe.

so that's it. all I need at the moment. everything else comes after.

'night.

5:10

Beijing Olympics

Inside the opening ceremonies as seen on TV and via the NYTimes




As seen on Vice TV

Admittedly, Vice does feels like they sensationalize it a tad too much. a pinch. but still somewhat good to see another side of the China. This is what the games feel like: let's go party while you watch us on TV from your mud-shack. assuming you have a TV.

self-loathing online

This blog needs a facelift. in a non-superficial way.

and still working on the book. nothing new to report. been reading and not writing.

but you can see that from the dates on this blog.

end.

! Flickr

Trying to figure out what to do with my Flickr account. post photos. why not just facebook? I don't know. trying something new.

let's see where this gets us.

bam.

0:14am On Trampolines

I want my babies to be born on a trampoline.

That's all there is to it.

If everyone could be tossed into the air once in their lifetime, there'd be less domestic abuse.

The rate of incidence for violent crimes in Philly would half by the year 2013. And that'd the beginning of a new era in crime deterrence.

trampolines in schools. the gym wouldn't be the same again. ESPN2 would broadcast game from the PTL—the professional trampolines league.

there'd be a minor leagues, too.

it's an intense sport. like a cage match. in the air.

so it was ridiculous fun jumping on that thing. that's what she said.

and tiring. she said that, too.

today shall be that day I first got on a trampoline. forget pools. those are lame. trampolines are it. gimme.

1:06am

1:38am Delaying the inevitable.

Feels like that's all I do now.

I keep holding off until the last possible minute. The minute arrives and I have to give in. no more holding on. no more excuses. it's head on. and all this time. agony has set in. hasn't made itself comfortable, because all it knows is a state of being without comfort.

I have to do things I've been putting off for reasons that are beyond my reasoning. I don't know why. I have inklings as to why. but I'd rather not dig 'em out.

a house of cards. and the fans are blowing. the A/C's not on. it rained outside tonight. as opposed to raining inside.

what I'm trying to say is that at this moment, I'm miserable. agonizing over things that I should do and get over with. because they're not that big of a deal. and I'm dramatizing things and making a big deal out of free samples. spare change? are those the most insignificant things in our lives? lint? that's pretty innocuous, isn't it?

One down. two more to go.

'night

1:48am

On HBO and TruBlood

Seems like the show could be interesting. I trust HBO, though I really haven't seen most of the shows.

While watching some of the promo videos, I thought about X-Men. Same set up. mutants living among you. the parallel here is people you think are different. minorities.

I'm not a big fan of all this branded entertainment, though it sometimes seems kind of cool. at times.

remember seeing the ads for TruBlood. double take on the posters and see the fine print HBO logo. didn't really like it, until I realized it's a bigger campaign. but still not a big fan of it. maybe 'cause I'm too lazy to go searching through the internet for the bits and pieces of clues. the TruBlood delivery truck does seem cool.

no final decision yet. I'll sit on this and edit it as thoughts come up.


NY Times Article on TruBlood

via Agency Spy on TruBlood

Campfire

Life lessons from Google

The gist: keep on learning.

very simple idea, but the hard parts are discipline and prioritizing what to learn first. you can learn anything. anything. but what?

I want to learn everything. but something needs to come first. giving another shot to chinese. let's see what happens.




P.S. I love PSFK. I mean. like a lot. enjoy reading. yes. love.

Read it > Google Blog

via PSFK

The Onion on Branded Content

Home Depot Honors Fallen Soldiers With Great Prices On Tools


It's done pretty well, with the sidebars coming out, the picture in picture, how they try to work in the products during the interview. but then it gets too over the top to be funny. they should've pulled back on the jokes a bit more and it would've been classic.

love the mom's acting, though.

But about branded content. This is what brands probably shouldn't do. stick their face where it doesn't belong and force themselves into the dialogue.

Via: PSFK

The Economist on the Social Networking

Everywhere and Nowhere

This article came out in March 2008. Which means it was probably written/contemplated about before then, and I'm only reading it now. Tisk tisk.

Interesting points, that social networks like Facebook and MySpace, while popular, aren't really business models. Their ad revenue doesn't generate much. It's annoying, and maybe they're better off creating branded applications to keep us engaged rather than have sidebar ads.

Then the analogy of old internet service providers into web portals. Closed to open. Same now for these communities. They're closed to each other, it's annoying to have to log in separately into each site. The solution? Email. It already has all of our contacts, calendar events, and keeps track of how often we talk to who.

Makes total sense to me what the article is saying. So the question then is who's going to be first? When is it going to happen? And how are people going to sustain it as a business model? What happens after the original founder sell out?

Nothing will happen if it's open source, right? What if the whole open source project becomes funded by some tech company?

Interesting times we live in.

On Video Game Advertising

Instead of placing ads inside the video game worlds where it might be out of context, roll the 30 sec. spots while the game is loading.

This is sweet if you keep the option to choose if you want to see the spot or not.

Once you take away the option of choosing between seeing the spot or paying for the game yourself, then it goes back to shoving ads down your throat model. Which isn't fun for the gamer, and that means resentment to the game, the brand, and everyone involved holding him down while the game loads.

Business Models: Dentsu and Anomaly

4:28am WTF. I'm up for no apparent reason.

And why would i need any reason to be up?

it's nice to be up and awake. it's quite during this time of the night.

tomorrow's another day.

I don't want today to end.

the day is over when I lay down and shut my eyes. erase today. archive it into my subconscious.

and it won't surface until it's needed. not when I want it to be here.

just 'cause I'm not writing doesn't mean things aren't happening.

it's usually too busy for that.

but there's work tomorrow. eeek.

monday off. sweet.

no more. I have ideas for a new website. but not sure how to work it out yet. how to make it pretty and functional to the way I need it to be. I have a feeling as to what it should be.

just a feeling. no rational thoughts.

and now I'm sleepy. running out of memory space. anything that happens after this doesn't get recorded.

birds are singing.

I was going to write about how birds don't "sing" per say. we say that they sing. but they're just talking. they sing to our ears. but they're not really trying to "sing" is just sounds like they're singing.

a label. that's what it does. or it's the inverse. where the feeling of the bird's talk feels soothing, so we call it muzak.

maybe I've written about this. but reiteration never fails to un-impress. the undoing of an impression. a depression, if you will.

sleep time is here. baseball batting the back of my neck. and cracking bones with splinters.

ka-plunk is my head on the stove. out cold.

4:37am

0:26am Online Tantrums over Falling Water in NYC

The first "leaked" image of the waterfalls in beta mode.

It's interesting to see the photo of the waterfall in action, and more interestingly, though to read the comments about what people think.

how people argue, insult, and pseudo-debate about trite things online. well, is it trite? that's another question.

there will forever be those that misspell online and mis-grammar, but there'll also be their counterparts to mock their lack of spelling and grammar.

Some people have visceral reactions to the "art." Others whine about money being wasted.

And a few defenders. justifying its existence. Is this what art does? matters not.

the debate is interesting. how people will perceive it. undeserved value makes people angry.

0:18am "For Every Generation, There is a Gap"

Read the original article

From reading John's article,

I feel that we, as people, recycle problems. The old will forever say "back in my day..."

There are things that never change. They might be different, but essentially the same problems.

The constant struggle between the haves and have-nots. Me versus you; us vs. them; young vs. old; men vs. women. Now factor in age and nationalities.

So there are things that we'll deal with constantly. Knowing this, what do we do? Change? Adapt?

I was wondering a few weeks ago about the rate of change between high school teachers and students vs. college teachers and college students.

So what will I not "get" from the generation after me?

What will I complain about? Not be able to adjust to? Or will they essentially be the same problems I have now?

0:25am

14:55pm This is a test from the land before earth and above the sky.

never say whenever. or whatever if it arrives sooner and before you expected to be congratulated in front of a crowd of flying meese in Q formation.

1:45am Frontline: Young and Restless in China

Young and Restless in China

opportunity in china. potential.

software outsourcing.

high rises = symbol of growth

"returning turtles" = chinese coming back from abroad

changing jobs, cities, lifestyles like nothing.

"working every single day, spending my savings, dripping my blood; feels like riding a roller coaster"

internet cafes

countdown to 2008 olympic games.

migrant workers looking for work during olympic preparations.

regular wage = 40 cents/ hr (a way out of rural poverty)

family's poverty depresses, ashames.

between tradition and city life.

rapper: discrimination, money, social status; how come my life sucks?

identify with black people in america. dreams of having food and a big house.


public interest lawyer: 1.5 million residents forced to move for the olympics.

upheaval more humane. resentment by community.

vocal middle class. sacrifice your rights for national interest.

events in Tienanmen sq.

—how is what we're doing now going to affect how we live the rest of our lives?

health care: 400 miles to see a doctor.

his motto: cure sometimes, relief often, comfort always.

palliative care > save the family's resources instead of care.


///

more than half of the population still in farming.

if there weren't farmers, what would we eat?
too tanned, doesn't look pretty.

women leave school to support brother's education.

human trafficking.

gossip in the village. kidnapped mother is a disgrace to the village. WTF?



all the village's marriages are arranged.

a couple of hours from meeting 'til being engaged.

—expectations of tradition and personal expectations. responsibility for yourself and impact on others.

the huge difference between "dreams" and "reality"

woman with an MBA; during interviews, how soon are you going to have a child?


—different stories makes it hard to keep track of what notes I'm taking.

being abroad, being sensitive to bribery and corruption.

western values to judge chinese companies.

helping or not helping. apathy from local officials.

fish have to live in water, if the water isnt' clean, you have to live with it.

afraid that it won't be a moral struggle.

not knowing where is home. what am I doing here?



balancing work and personal life.

—so it's all the same things we deal with? isn't it?

many girls only believe in money.

believe in love? nope, only money.

there is no right or wrong.

can't be successful if you don't have several lovers.

after being baptized, he no longer feels lonely.

—there's this weird voice over description of what's going on the screen.

life support for your old age.

—feels like I turned on the disability feature online, hence the voice-over.

doctors breed doctors.

mcdonald's is a luxury. a place for proposal.

"I love her more than I love myself."

months of discussion before bringing her mother home. why so long? what's there to ask?

kidnapped 18 years ago before reunited.


3:17am chapter 9 and on for another day. we'll call it, Tomorrow.

22:07am

pollution from smelting plants, pollutes the river, farmers can't farm.

no one will buy their crops. their well is polluted. they drink the polluted water.
ask for compensations.

and people die from cancer. and the world goes on.


the land of opportunity—china.

quotas: 600 pieces an hour. 6000 a day. 11 hour days. no weekends. no time to think.

—maybe that's what I need right now. time to think.

the happiness index.

not individual and society. can you afford the things you want to buy?

no believes. no role models. they're all materialistic.

a poor kid going into a candy store vs. a rich kid only getting what he wants.

socially responsible and create social benefits.

—who doesn't want to do that? if given the choice, we'd all like to help, but what's the sacrifice? how much work do i have to do in order to help?

22:37pm

1:11am Frontline: "Living Old"

http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/livingold/view/

there's a bug on my screen. don't want to squash it 'cause of splash damage on the screen.

bug juice.

karma is not part of the equation.

I love Frontline reports.

This one is on aging. people 85 and older. makes me think about how I want to age. and how I should be taking care of my parents when they're older.

and makes me feel better about a lot of things. if I'm 23, and I'll get to live to be around 80 years old. I still have about 50-60 years to see the world. to do something with my life. right?

—how does it feel to be a hundred? "the same as being 99"

—mass geriatric society. living longer and healthier.

healthier is the key, because you start losing your functions. you can't walk, talk, move, eat, see, hear.

it's not cancer, Alzheimer's, or the dramatic diseases.

—people want to live longer with their body at the peak, not aging and deteriorating.

—over the next 30 years. the number of over 65, 20% = 70 million of the US population.

—chronic illnesses keep you alive and dead at the same time.

losing control of your own bodily functions. things that kids get made fun of. that tease each other about.

and you live in that helpless phase again.

—number of geriatricians. 50. that's in the entire US? I think so. ridiculous. and the shortage of nurses.

what are your expectations about your aging parents? or my parents' expectations on me? and my sister?

$150,000 a year for the 24hr home care that is needed.

that fantasy of dying in your sleep. rarely happens.

is this why we have kids? so that some will take care of us when no one else will?

functions and comfort.

—nursing homes: the waiting room. or will you be better off than when you were at home?

—multi-generational households.



cancer when you're older. surgery, then chemo, is it worth it? all the trouble?

doing everything you can to keep someone alive. when are you ready to let go?

do not resuscitate orders.

is it love or cruelty?

"I do not want to be a burden to my loved ones"

assist them in having a purpose in life, since quality is not there any more.

the dramatic music doesn't help.

"I like life, the sun, the air..."

Making Eye Contact With A Stranger for 5minutes 45 seconds.

Saw this online for some reason. was wikiing Vimeo. and why can't spell-checks recognize new brand names? facebook doesn't recognize itself when you're writing on someone's wall.

tisk tisk.

So Noah takes a photo of himself every day for 6 years. cool. commendable. but what does that accomplish? it doesn't tell me much about him. watching him not blink for 5:45 is kind of creepy.


he seems like a lonely/sad guy. but I'm sure he's more than that. and in the end. his 6 years of photography doesn't tell me anything. it might make some people upload their years of self-portraits. and that's it. maybe that's good enough for some.

I'm sure it's cool enough for him. he'll look back and maybe remember what was happening during certain photos.

21:49pm Liveblogging WWDC 2008

9:49pm started watching about 30 minutes ago.

steve came onstage.

supermonkey ball and other apps.

now watching other developers talk about their experience with the SDK.

9:51pm: live blogging with typepad

9:52pm: associated press

(game changing device, forcing everyone to change the way the do things)

everyone says how much they love working with the iphone.

9:55 pangea. games are now $9.99


9:59pm. creating apps quickly.

22:04pm. hardware last year. software this year.

22:13pm iphone changes gaming with their rendering. and mobile. WoW addicts rejoice.

22:18pm. push notification for developers.

22:36pm. mobileMe. everything's connected all the time. isn't it this way already?

22:53pm. 6 million iphones in one year.

23:03pm iphone 3G x% faster. and making fun of other phones. other CEOs must feel small. right?

how embarrassing it must be for CEOs of other mobile companies when their kids would rather use an iphone.

23:17pm july 11th is too far away.

First Digg Post: Brand Timeline Portrait

No text, see it yourself. My jaw dropped when I thought about it after reading it, sweet.

See it here

among other things.

way too many things to keep track of.

digg. delicious. and the blogs I'd like to stay on top of.

when will it all come together into one singularity? I'd probably not want it that way anyway.

too much power.