Not knowing is the worst possible feeling in the world.
Right now. I sort of vaguely know. so it's not that bad.
It's ambiguous. kind of foggy. but unnoticeable. 'cause I'm going through the motions and I'm distracted. focusing in the wrong place.
running while looking at my shoe laces. I don't see the brick wall in front of me. I can sense it.
it's coming towards me. about to hug me. tough love? I'll learn from it. to look up a bit more.
there's not knowing. there's knowing that I don't know. then there's knowing. and maybe some more steps in between.
right now. I know I don't know. or in other key-strokes, I mean, I know what I'm supposed to be doing, but I can't find the motivation to do it.
so I'm human. so what? I need some motivation here. it's running on E. internal motivation would be best.
I'll need the external to trigger what's inside me. 'cause it's hibernating. and it's time to look up. and hurdle over the brick wall.
Tuesday, April 21
Sunday, March 22
Undesigned
There's something about this blog that I miss. The unfilteredness of it all.
I miss writing to empty out all my thoughts. Is there an audience? Maybe. I don't want to write for you. I want to write for me.
And right now, there's this story that comes to mind. several, but those'll be in separate posts.
Back in Miami, I used to live in a gated community, we called them complexes. at our complex, we'd play some form of cops-n-robbers. maybe with a more updated and mature name. any reason to chase each other.
and we'd all be on roller blades. skate, skate, skate. then sprinting when pavement meets grass.
one of these times. I remember being chased. and I was getting tired. exhausted. it's what happens when you sprint. sprint 'til you're empty. and I was about to give up, 'cause I couldn't run any more. just stop running and let 'em catch me.
then I stop. he's catching up to me. and right at the moment where he tags me, I start running again. something kicks in. and says, nope. not now. so the tank goes beyond empty. at this point, I'm damaging something.
the feeling comes again. give up. no. yes. it's a game. big deal. no. can't lose. do it. and that's how it goes.
self-imposed mind games.
I miss writing to empty out all my thoughts. Is there an audience? Maybe. I don't want to write for you. I want to write for me.
And right now, there's this story that comes to mind. several, but those'll be in separate posts.
Back in Miami, I used to live in a gated community, we called them complexes. at our complex, we'd play some form of cops-n-robbers. maybe with a more updated and mature name. any reason to chase each other.
and we'd all be on roller blades. skate, skate, skate. then sprinting when pavement meets grass.
one of these times. I remember being chased. and I was getting tired. exhausted. it's what happens when you sprint. sprint 'til you're empty. and I was about to give up, 'cause I couldn't run any more. just stop running and let 'em catch me.
then I stop. he's catching up to me. and right at the moment where he tags me, I start running again. something kicks in. and says, nope. not now. so the tank goes beyond empty. at this point, I'm damaging something.
the feeling comes again. give up. no. yes. it's a game. big deal. no. can't lose. do it. and that's how it goes.
self-imposed mind games.
Tuesday, March 17
Life Support
This blog is in life support. it's been drying up like a neglected plant for a while now. wilting and wrinkling and shrinking.
stagnation kills.
stagnation kills.
Monday, March 2
Tuesday, February 24
Friday, February 20
Ranting
A Rant, in the key of A-through-zee.
'cause I'm tired. 'cause I need sleep. 'cause of 'cause.
oh. no more?
that's it. this is it. the things that were exciting this morning were not enough to sustain me through the day. W?
that's what I said.
there's no substitute for sleep. I need to wake up in the morning to do that shuffle we do when we want to shake hands, meet'n'greet, say hi and introduce. make new friends.
I don't know you. yet.
but will do soon enough. compiling friends 'cause I've out grown the ones I have so far? maybe. a compilation of acquaintances. what can happen when you juice blender everyone you know into a room?
too much of everything. not enough of the opposite. a live study in consumption. over doing it. a gluttony of information and ambition. TV stations upon hulu channels. what was it? 160,000 links per day?
more, please. I'm not overloading fast enough yet. 'cause I'm still drowsy lucid. I'm still clicking away. still breathing this way.
realized that what I need is ownership of something. it doesn't feel like I own anything except what I know inside my head. and that's ephemeral. maybe I'm hording in a different sense.
a sense of self worth derived by not what I know. but how much I know. how much more expensive it is. the brand of my knowledge. how pricey it can be to listen to myself echo in a chamber.
saw Juno tonight. I can certainly comment on it. I laughed out loud towards the end. when he says that he actually tries really hard. 'cause that certainly feels true.
there's still a DVD stuck on my laptop. but I can't part with it yet. we just got back together. not yet. too soon. soon enough. too long. this longing.
in four hours I won't remember you.
'cause I'm tired. 'cause I need sleep. 'cause of 'cause.
oh. no more?
that's it. this is it. the things that were exciting this morning were not enough to sustain me through the day. W?
that's what I said.
there's no substitute for sleep. I need to wake up in the morning to do that shuffle we do when we want to shake hands, meet'n'greet, say hi and introduce. make new friends.
I don't know you. yet.
but will do soon enough. compiling friends 'cause I've out grown the ones I have so far? maybe. a compilation of acquaintances. what can happen when you juice blender everyone you know into a room?
too much of everything. not enough of the opposite. a live study in consumption. over doing it. a gluttony of information and ambition. TV stations upon hulu channels. what was it? 160,000 links per day?
more, please. I'm not overloading fast enough yet. 'cause I'm still drowsy lucid. I'm still clicking away. still breathing this way.
realized that what I need is ownership of something. it doesn't feel like I own anything except what I know inside my head. and that's ephemeral. maybe I'm hording in a different sense.
a sense of self worth derived by not what I know. but how much I know. how much more expensive it is. the brand of my knowledge. how pricey it can be to listen to myself echo in a chamber.
saw Juno tonight. I can certainly comment on it. I laughed out loud towards the end. when he says that he actually tries really hard. 'cause that certainly feels true.
there's still a DVD stuck on my laptop. but I can't part with it yet. we just got back together. not yet. too soon. soon enough. too long. this longing.
in four hours I won't remember you.
Tuesday, February 17
Updates!
Sort of. Kind of. I need to reconciliate all my online estates. by which I mean my blog.
there are way too many things to do. which is great. an overload of information. a saturation of tasks.
an overwhelming sense of joy. bursting at the cracks. tension in the slacks. everything is great. everything is wonderful at this moment in time.
work. work. work. candide was right. tend to your garden and you should be fine. whatever your garden is.
waiting for the analytics of today. it's delivered at midnight. because that constitutes a day.
I'm amazed at how much I've changed in two months. six weeks. perspectives. work. sleep patterns. not much on that end. but it's reverting to when I worked. when school was in session. when not enough sleep is normal. when it's required.
I somehow have too many things on my plate. and I somehow have too many plates at once.
the results are in.
and I'm ecstatic. I'm really happy. I want to cry. but my eyes are speechless.
this is good.
there are way too many things to do. which is great. an overload of information. a saturation of tasks.
an overwhelming sense of joy. bursting at the cracks. tension in the slacks. everything is great. everything is wonderful at this moment in time.
work. work. work. candide was right. tend to your garden and you should be fine. whatever your garden is.
waiting for the analytics of today. it's delivered at midnight. because that constitutes a day.
I'm amazed at how much I've changed in two months. six weeks. perspectives. work. sleep patterns. not much on that end. but it's reverting to when I worked. when school was in session. when not enough sleep is normal. when it's required.
I somehow have too many things on my plate. and I somehow have too many plates at once.
the results are in.
and I'm ecstatic. I'm really happy. I want to cry. but my eyes are speechless.
this is good.
Wednesday, February 11
Monday, February 9
Friday, February 6
Luxury = Wastefulness
I hate that equation. That luxury is equated with how much you can waste. How much you can spend. The more superlatives, the more luxurious.
It's this need to feel validated that drives us to spend more than my twin. Or whoever I'm comparing myself to.
Is there such a thing as sustainable luxury? Would that solve half our problems? Assuming that the current problem is consuming ourselves to death.
Good And Tired
Feeling good from reading the right things. hearing the right words.
tired from not enough sleep.
so I'll be sleeping with a smile.
tired from not enough sleep.
so I'll be sleeping with a smile.
Wednesday, February 4
Not Having A Computer
It's the equivalent of crashing on someone's couch. I thought I had written about it.
But can't find it.
A feeling of insufficiency. Not the right size. Have what I need, but not what I want.
Oh. I did write about it. In my post-it notes.
Going to pick it up tomorrow. Like picking up your significant other at the airport. Anticipation of reunions.
What is it going to look like? Am I going to recognize it?
Gasp.
Feels like too many things are on hold because I haven't had a laptop for almost days now. Excuses? Most likely.
Eyes are tired. I completely went back to browsing instead of finishing this post.
and.....done.
But can't find it.
A feeling of insufficiency. Not the right size. Have what I need, but not what I want.
Oh. I did write about it. In my post-it notes.
Going to pick it up tomorrow. Like picking up your significant other at the airport. Anticipation of reunions.
What is it going to look like? Am I going to recognize it?
Gasp.
Feels like too many things are on hold because I haven't had a laptop for almost days now. Excuses? Most likely.
Eyes are tired. I completely went back to browsing instead of finishing this post.
and.....done.
Monday, February 2
Saturday, January 31
24 In 2009
It's my first birthday since graduation. The first time where I don't have to be doing anything. The first time I can do everything.
A combination of freedom, friends, and ffffinding out what life could be about.
What's funny is this sense of being wiser than I was yesteryear. And it'll happen again next year. No doubt. A constant cycle of looking back and not understanding how I could be so oblivious a dozen months ago.
It's Plato's allegory of the digital cave.
New perspectives. Jogging past the overhead projection that is life.
Whips and flickers. Blinks and whispers.
It's the best one so far. Not because everything is wonderful. Not in that sense.
Not that I'm happy. Nor un-happy. But that there's clarity. It's a vague feeling of knowing. Figuring it out.
The sky clearing. Fog fading. Cool air through nostrils. The sun rising.
It's 9:33pm. And I'm born again today.
Hello, world.
Friday, January 30
The Saddest Sentence Of Today
"The average man is a conformist, accepting miseries and disasters with the stoicism of a cow standing in the rain." - New Existentialist
Hello World
It's my birthday tomorrow, and instead of birthday wishes, I want this for my birthday instead: answer two questions for me here. (should take you 45 seconds. 60 if you finger-type.)
Yay!
The Easiest Birthday Gift
Yay!
The Easiest Birthday Gift
Wednesday, January 28
Txting on planes
In itself. The news is not that big of a deal. Reminds me of a list of stupid things on commercial planes vs. the air force. That article claimed that air force planes are facing the tail, which is safer than commercial planes.
All that aside.
What I find interesting here is that they're announcing their texting service that's planned for September. that's 8 months ahead of launch. What does this mean? Are they testing the waters? Dipping their toes in the service pool?
[source Txting on planes]
All that aside.
What I find interesting here is that they're announcing their texting service that's planned for September. that's 8 months ahead of launch. What does this mean? Are they testing the waters? Dipping their toes in the service pool?
[source Txting on planes]
Optimal age for confidence and self worth
The survey's conducted by a mineral water company, discredited? not 100% just partially. Regardless of results, I'd like to think I'll be happiest and most confident right before I die. I'll have something to look forward to that way. If 32 is optimal age of happiness, it's not much fun after that, is it?
[original article here]
[original article here]
A Better New Year's Resolution
via Experience Planner
and How to be Interesting
The way to be interesting is to be interested. You’ve got to find what’s interesting in everything, you’ve got to be good at noticing things, you’ve got to be good at listening. If you find people (and things) interesting, they’ll find you interesting.
Interesting people are good at sharing. You can’t be interested in someone who won’t tell you anything. Being good at sharing is not the same as talking and talking and talking. It means you share your ideas, you let people play with them and you’re good at talking about them without having to talk about yourself.
The marvelous thing about tinterweb is that it’s got great tools for being interested and great tools for sharing. So I’ve used them a lot. It should, of course, be obvious that there are many other ways to be interesting. Some of them don't involve computers at all. These are just 10 things, and if you do them you’ll get more interesting. Or at the very least you’ll start practising the skills of being interesting.
It's sort of didactic, bossy even, but it's supposed to be instructional, rules you can follow. If you do them, and send me evidence that you’ve done them for three months, then I’ll send you a marvelous ‘I’m More Interesting Than I Was Three Months Ago’ certificate.
1. Take at least one picture everyday. Post it to flickr.
You should carry a camera with you. A phonecam will do. The act of carrying a camera, and always keeping an eye out for a picture to take changes the way you look at the world. It makes you notice more things. It keeps you tuned in.
Posting it to flickr (or other photosharing sites) means that you’re sharing it. It’s in public. This will make you think a little harder about what you shoot and it might draw you into conversation about your pictures.
2. Start a blog. Write at least one sentence every week.
This is pretty easy. If you just did this much I’d be disapppointed. You should write more sentences. Or you should write one true sentence. But I suspect that you won’t be able to limit yourself to just one sentence, I suspect you’ll get bitten and want to do more.
It’s easy to knock blogging as a kind of journalism of the banal but in some ways that’s its strength. Bloggers don’t go out and investigate things (mostly) they’re not in exciting or glamorous places, they’re not given a story, they have to build one out of the everyday lives they lead. And this makes them good at noticing things, things that others might not have seen. And being a blogger, feeling the need to write about stuff makes you pay attention to more things, makes you go out and see more stuff, makes you carry a notebook, keeps you tuned in to the world.
3. Keep a scrapbook
I’ve talked about this before. It’s good. Do it.
4. Every week, read a magazine you’ve never read before
Interesting people are interested in all sorts of things. That means they explore all kinds of worlds, they go places they wouldn’t expect to like and work out what’s good and interesting there. An easy way to do this is with magazines. Specialist magazines let you explore the solar system of human activities from your armchair. Try it, it’s fantastic.
5. Once a month interview someone for 20 minutes, work out how to make them interesting. Podcast it.
Again, being interesting is about being interested. Interviewing is about making the other person the star; finding out what they know or think that’s interesting. Could be anyone, a friend, a colleague, a stranger, anyone. Find out what’s compelling about them. Interviewing stops you butting in too much and forces you to listen. Good thing to practice. (And it's worth noticing the people who are good at it.) Podcasting is sharing. Sharing is something you must get used to.
6. Collect something
It could be anything. It could be pictures of things. But become an expert in something unexpected and unregarded. Develop a passion. Learn how to communicate that to other people without scaring them off. Find the other few people who share your interest. Learn how to be useful in that community.
7. Once a week sit in a coffee-shop or cafe for an hour and listen to other people’s conversations. Take notes. Blog about it. (Carefully)
Take little dips in other people’s lives. Listen to their speech patterns and their concerns. Try and get them down on paper. (Don’t let them see. Try not to get beaten up.) Don’t force it, don’t hop from table to table in search of better eavesdropping, just bask in the conversations that come your way.
8. Every month write 50 words about one piece of visual art, one piece of writing, one piece of music and one piece of film or TV. Do other art forms if you can. Blog about it
If you want to work in a creative business (and before long most businesses will be creative businesses) you’ll have to get used to having a point of view on artistic stuff. Even if it’s not very artistic. You’ll have to be comfortable with expressing an opinion on things you don’t know how to make or do, like music or writing. You get better at that through practice. And through sharing what you’ve written.
9. Make something
Do something with your hands. Create something from nothing. It could be knots, it could be whittling, Lego, cake or knitting. Take some time to get outside your head. Ideally, make something you have no idea how to do. Get something from Make and try it, assuming you’ll screw it up the first time. People love people who can make things. Making’s the new thinking. Share your things on the your blog, or, if you’re brilliant maybe you can share them on etsy.
10. Read:
Understanding Comics - Scott McCloud
The Mezzanine - Nicholson Baker
The Visual Display Of Quantitative Information - Edward Tufte
All these books are good for their own reasons but they’re also good examples of people who are really interested in stuff that others think of as banal and who explain it in a way that makes you share their passion. That's good.
and How to be Interesting
The way to be interesting is to be interested. You’ve got to find what’s interesting in everything, you’ve got to be good at noticing things, you’ve got to be good at listening. If you find people (and things) interesting, they’ll find you interesting.
Interesting people are good at sharing. You can’t be interested in someone who won’t tell you anything. Being good at sharing is not the same as talking and talking and talking. It means you share your ideas, you let people play with them and you’re good at talking about them without having to talk about yourself.
The marvelous thing about tinterweb is that it’s got great tools for being interested and great tools for sharing. So I’ve used them a lot. It should, of course, be obvious that there are many other ways to be interesting. Some of them don't involve computers at all. These are just 10 things, and if you do them you’ll get more interesting. Or at the very least you’ll start practising the skills of being interesting.
It's sort of didactic, bossy even, but it's supposed to be instructional, rules you can follow. If you do them, and send me evidence that you’ve done them for three months, then I’ll send you a marvelous ‘I’m More Interesting Than I Was Three Months Ago’ certificate.
1. Take at least one picture everyday. Post it to flickr.
You should carry a camera with you. A phonecam will do. The act of carrying a camera, and always keeping an eye out for a picture to take changes the way you look at the world. It makes you notice more things. It keeps you tuned in.
Posting it to flickr (or other photosharing sites) means that you’re sharing it. It’s in public. This will make you think a little harder about what you shoot and it might draw you into conversation about your pictures.
2. Start a blog. Write at least one sentence every week.
This is pretty easy. If you just did this much I’d be disapppointed. You should write more sentences. Or you should write one true sentence. But I suspect that you won’t be able to limit yourself to just one sentence, I suspect you’ll get bitten and want to do more.
It’s easy to knock blogging as a kind of journalism of the banal but in some ways that’s its strength. Bloggers don’t go out and investigate things (mostly) they’re not in exciting or glamorous places, they’re not given a story, they have to build one out of the everyday lives they lead. And this makes them good at noticing things, things that others might not have seen. And being a blogger, feeling the need to write about stuff makes you pay attention to more things, makes you go out and see more stuff, makes you carry a notebook, keeps you tuned in to the world.
3. Keep a scrapbook
I’ve talked about this before. It’s good. Do it.
4. Every week, read a magazine you’ve never read before
Interesting people are interested in all sorts of things. That means they explore all kinds of worlds, they go places they wouldn’t expect to like and work out what’s good and interesting there. An easy way to do this is with magazines. Specialist magazines let you explore the solar system of human activities from your armchair. Try it, it’s fantastic.
5. Once a month interview someone for 20 minutes, work out how to make them interesting. Podcast it.
Again, being interesting is about being interested. Interviewing is about making the other person the star; finding out what they know or think that’s interesting. Could be anyone, a friend, a colleague, a stranger, anyone. Find out what’s compelling about them. Interviewing stops you butting in too much and forces you to listen. Good thing to practice. (And it's worth noticing the people who are good at it.) Podcasting is sharing. Sharing is something you must get used to.
6. Collect something
It could be anything. It could be pictures of things. But become an expert in something unexpected and unregarded. Develop a passion. Learn how to communicate that to other people without scaring them off. Find the other few people who share your interest. Learn how to be useful in that community.
7. Once a week sit in a coffee-shop or cafe for an hour and listen to other people’s conversations. Take notes. Blog about it. (Carefully)
Take little dips in other people’s lives. Listen to their speech patterns and their concerns. Try and get them down on paper. (Don’t let them see. Try not to get beaten up.) Don’t force it, don’t hop from table to table in search of better eavesdropping, just bask in the conversations that come your way.
8. Every month write 50 words about one piece of visual art, one piece of writing, one piece of music and one piece of film or TV. Do other art forms if you can. Blog about it
If you want to work in a creative business (and before long most businesses will be creative businesses) you’ll have to get used to having a point of view on artistic stuff. Even if it’s not very artistic. You’ll have to be comfortable with expressing an opinion on things you don’t know how to make or do, like music or writing. You get better at that through practice. And through sharing what you’ve written.
9. Make something
Do something with your hands. Create something from nothing. It could be knots, it could be whittling, Lego, cake or knitting. Take some time to get outside your head. Ideally, make something you have no idea how to do. Get something from Make and try it, assuming you’ll screw it up the first time. People love people who can make things. Making’s the new thinking. Share your things on the your blog, or, if you’re brilliant maybe you can share them on etsy.
10. Read:
Understanding Comics - Scott McCloud
The Mezzanine - Nicholson Baker
The Visual Display Of Quantitative Information - Edward Tufte
All these books are good for their own reasons but they’re also good examples of people who are really interested in stuff that others think of as banal and who explain it in a way that makes you share their passion. That's good.
Fell asleep
And woke up with ASDF across my cheeks.
sort of. not really. that'd be kind of nice, right? being exhausted.
JKLSemi-colon.
sort of. not really. that'd be kind of nice, right? being exhausted.
JKLSemi-colon.
Priorities
Hi.
It's not that we don't have enough time, it's our priorities that aren't in line.
Bye.
Tuesday, January 27
Tired.
What else is new?
Not much apparently. I don't like the idea of work. or not at this moment because I'm tired.
The blinking cursor is a sign. Go to sleep. It implies.
I concur.
Friday, January 23
Tuesday, January 20
The Peer Scholarship Fund
It's up. It's out. I'm thrilled to announce The Peer Scholarship Fund.
My first project since graduating SVA.
Feedback and participation are highly welcomed.
Thursday, January 15
Sunday, January 11
4:48am
The problem with getting enough sleep is a ruined schedule.
I'm now up at five in the morning. Don't really want to sleep, but I know I should somehow. The human condition. Doing what I want instead of what I should.
Because I feel that staying up might be more productive. Cause I can't work while sleeping. But I can when I wake up. Energized.
Not sure what the issue is here. Maybe a lack of options. Must be it. It is. Set. Done.
2:31am, just woke up an hour ago
'cause I've been tired. it's been a long week. went by really fast.
haven't had enough sleep. so I caught up with it tonight. laid in bed with it.
waking up at 1am is pretty delicious. or maybe it was just this time.
and waking up to wonderful emails are sunshine at midnight.
a friend of mine might be getting a job soon. might not seem like much. plenty of people have jobs. but it's been quite a journey for him to get from A to B. I've helped him along the way in whatever ways I have.
so I feel like the parent dropping of his kid on the first day of college. a bit proud, and lots of mixed emotions. happy and jealous and glad. relieved.
I started writing offline. as in a notebook. with ink and paper. neither digital nor battery operated.
then I started planning about blogging some of the entries. and now I don't feel like writing in it 'cause it's 2:37 and the lights are off. not conducive to ink and paper.
can't remember what my 4th new year's resolution is. maybe it's not as important as I want it to be.
how can my thoughts be so disjointed? a flutter of ADD. hummingbird here. humming-there. here. here.
tomorrow. will finish one project. release it into the world, because I'm tired of it riding my shoulders.
haven't had enough sleep. so I caught up with it tonight. laid in bed with it.
waking up at 1am is pretty delicious. or maybe it was just this time.
and waking up to wonderful emails are sunshine at midnight.
a friend of mine might be getting a job soon. might not seem like much. plenty of people have jobs. but it's been quite a journey for him to get from A to B. I've helped him along the way in whatever ways I have.
so I feel like the parent dropping of his kid on the first day of college. a bit proud, and lots of mixed emotions. happy and jealous and glad. relieved.
I started writing offline. as in a notebook. with ink and paper. neither digital nor battery operated.
then I started planning about blogging some of the entries. and now I don't feel like writing in it 'cause it's 2:37 and the lights are off. not conducive to ink and paper.
can't remember what my 4th new year's resolution is. maybe it's not as important as I want it to be.
how can my thoughts be so disjointed? a flutter of ADD. hummingbird here. humming-there. here. here.
tomorrow. will finish one project. release it into the world, because I'm tired of it riding my shoulders.
Saturday, January 10
What's Important
The two most important things in my life (that aren't people):
Contacts
RSS Feeds
who I know and what I know.
I've backed up both. so I'm safe for now, right?
Contacts
RSS Feeds
who I know and what I know.
I've backed up both. so I'm safe for now, right?
Thursday, January 8
Tuesday, January 6
A New Series of Experiences
I'm starting a series of entries that I'll publish in a month. This is an alert to all those who follow me here. While I'll still blog about other things, I'll reveal what I'm working on now a month from now.
Should be fun.
Should be fun.
Monday, January 5
I'm still so fucking excited I can justify cursing.
A quiet, internal cursing. Bursting emotion. Repeated blasts.
Blogging while in bed. Welcome, 21st century.
Hoping that I can release feelings onto the keyboard into the 'net. So it's out of me. So it's recorded. Archived.
Thoughts. Thoughts. Thoughts. And some mo'.
How can I sleep when I'm wandering around. It's uncomfortable excitement.
Can't sit still. Lay quiet. Breathe slow.
Good night, night. Hello, morning.
Again, I'm starving for some attention from a nice sandwich.
Sunday, January 4
Anticipation
Tomorrow's a big day and I don't know what to do with myself.
Haven't felt this since September last year. Maybe May.
That feeling you get the day before school starts. before you go to Disneyland. You should go to sleep, 'cause you have to get up early.
But you get to bed early and all you do is think. Your mind wanders and runs around.
Can't sleep. what's going to happen tomorrow? Everything. Anything imaginable, unthought of will happen.
Seeing your friends again after summer break. The potential for new classmates. new adventures. experiences.
Very anxious. But it'll wear off in a few days. When I'm in the middle of it.
I'm not in the middle of it now. I'm waiting. It'll happen in a few hours.
Man, oh, man. what if I fuck this up. that'd be horrible. I think I know what to expect. I think. I hope I know what I'm expecting. I hope it'll be fun.
I hope I'll learn.
Hope and wish and wonder.
What if I don't wake up on time? Silly thoughts.
I doesn't make any sense. Well, I care about it. that's why I want to go puke a bit. Don't want to mess it up.
I'll be okay. right? right.
I'll look back at this tomorrow and see how over-anxious I was.
this post is irrefixable. unsalvageable. quite forgettable.
Haven't felt this since September last year. Maybe May.
That feeling you get the day before school starts. before you go to Disneyland. You should go to sleep, 'cause you have to get up early.
But you get to bed early and all you do is think. Your mind wanders and runs around.
Can't sleep. what's going to happen tomorrow? Everything. Anything imaginable, unthought of will happen.
Seeing your friends again after summer break. The potential for new classmates. new adventures. experiences.
Very anxious. But it'll wear off in a few days. When I'm in the middle of it.
I'm not in the middle of it now. I'm waiting. It'll happen in a few hours.
Man, oh, man. what if I fuck this up. that'd be horrible. I think I know what to expect. I think. I hope I know what I'm expecting. I hope it'll be fun.
I hope I'll learn.
Hope and wish and wonder.
What if I don't wake up on time? Silly thoughts.
I doesn't make any sense. Well, I care about it. that's why I want to go puke a bit. Don't want to mess it up.
I'll be okay. right? right.
I'll look back at this tomorrow and see how over-anxious I was.
this post is irrefixable. unsalvageable. quite forgettable.
Thursday, January 1
My Inner Facebook
In response to Ze Frank taking over someone else's Facebook profile for a week.
And the responses from the person without facebook for a week
My final observation is this:
When are we on facebook? When we have down time. When we don't have anything else that we must do, we're potentially on facebook.
Someone sends us a message, we sign in, and we end up digging around for a few hours.
If we had things higher on the priority list, facebook wouldn't be there. It's when we have down time that we can see if anyone is taking time off to look at us, to poke us, message us, write on our walls, give us gifts.
If we're not the ones receiving the attention, who is? This person is doing this with that person. They did this over the weekend. And we're vicariously living through it. Commenting on it. then check back and see if anyone responded to our comments on the event we weren't participating in.
So it all comes down to me, me, me. I send out messages, and wonder who's going to write back.
There's a daily upkeep to stay on top of everyone's mind. If I update my facebook, it'll be on everyone's newsfeed. And in turn, they might comment on it. A sign of validation that we exist. That what we do matters to others.
If we don't maintain our profile, we'll be forgotten. And that's probably why we frantically put up new neon signs telling others that we're alive, and doing things outside of facebook. It's proof that we matter.
Now, this is going to be fed into my newsfeed, and maybe someone will comment on it. And the cycle starts all over again.
And the responses from the person without facebook for a week
My final observation is this:
When are we on facebook? When we have down time. When we don't have anything else that we must do, we're potentially on facebook.
Someone sends us a message, we sign in, and we end up digging around for a few hours.
If we had things higher on the priority list, facebook wouldn't be there. It's when we have down time that we can see if anyone is taking time off to look at us, to poke us, message us, write on our walls, give us gifts.
If we're not the ones receiving the attention, who is? This person is doing this with that person. They did this over the weekend. And we're vicariously living through it. Commenting on it. then check back and see if anyone responded to our comments on the event we weren't participating in.
So it all comes down to me, me, me. I send out messages, and wonder who's going to write back.
There's a daily upkeep to stay on top of everyone's mind. If I update my facebook, it'll be on everyone's newsfeed. And in turn, they might comment on it. A sign of validation that we exist. That what we do matters to others.
If we don't maintain our profile, we'll be forgotten. And that's probably why we frantically put up new neon signs telling others that we're alive, and doing things outside of facebook. It's proof that we matter.
Now, this is going to be fed into my newsfeed, and maybe someone will comment on it. And the cycle starts all over again.
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